I’m not about inspirational quotes or anything like that, but this one really resonated with me. It caught my eye because it was spray painted on one of the Miami art walks, which was an event that I’ve been to before on one of my past relationships. I’ve had many perfect moments in past relationships; my first time having sex was thrilling, and I had this one perfect moment with socks jock on Miami beach where he kissed me tenderly and we both just savoured the moment.
Every relationship has its moments, and sometimes when I look back at my relationship with Mystery Man, I dwell on the good stuff such as the time he cooked for me, the time we went to California together for my friend’s wedding and it was picture perfect, the time he threw me a surprise birthday party. The thing is that every relationship has its ups and downs. Looking back, it is easy to do lose perspective if you hone in on just the positives or just the negatives. The relationship is a combination of both, and ultimately the story for Mystery Man in short was that although we had some nice one on one moments together, he disrespected me with his flirtatious ways and he plainly did not want to be with me in the end.
My relationship with volleyball man does not have to be perfect, as long as we respect each other and want to be with each other. I feel like I might be holding him to these standards that might be based on all the good things that I’ve ever experienced with the men that I’ve been with in the past. I want him to be romantically spontaneous like Socks Jock, caring like Baseball Guy, amazing in bed like The Traveller and great at cuddling like Mystery Man. I don’t think that I’ve ever held such a high bar for these guys that I’ve been with in the past. The difference was that I was infatuated with the guys that I was with in the past, which is why I was able to excuse a lot of the signs that things weren’t working out until the very end.
I’m not infatuated with Volleyball Coach. This is the difference. We have a different kind of chemistry, the kind that makes me think that he is the one for me, but this also translates into me analyzing everything he does and asking myself if I can live with it. If I think about it, Socks Jock was so much younger than me, was still in school and while I visited him in Miami, his place was a fucking disaster. There was so much dust on the ground that after I swept it up for him, I realize that the dust was a collection of dead bug bits. I was annoyed by this, but it never translated to me not being able to live with him.
There is a lot of good things with the relationship that I have with Volleyball Coach. We communicate regularly, he makes a huge effort to do things with me that he normally wouldn’t. He is compromising, but some things need time. When I said his car is dirty and full of dog hair, he eventually went to go clean it. I’ve communicated what I want, I’m just going to let that sink in with him. I want him to get a new bed, and I want him to put him my shelving unit, and I’ve told him that directly so I’m going to leave it where it is. I’m going to let him dwell on it, and see what happens.
In the grand scheme of things, having a shitty bed and an unbuilt shelf shouldn’t be the end of a relationship. Both things are easily fixable, but I think for me it was the thought that I am with someone that would allow this situation to persist. It makes me also think that I’m probably being difficult. I also experience a lot of mood swings, and what’s funny is that I find my relationships work out a lot better when I am on birth control pills and it moderates a lot of these swings. I’ve written about it in another post before. I don’t think it’s me being self-conscious. I do hear from others that I tend to get moody.
Whatever the case, after some thinking, I realize that there is a lot of good in my current relationship and it is being over shadowed by these small annoyances that I can’t seem to get over, but in the grand scheme of things might not actually be as big of a deal as I make it out to be. I’m going to see how I feel and go back to a more normal diet to see if that will help.