It’s always a shock to find an ex-boyfriend back on online dating. I signed up for OKCupid and bam! I see volleyball coach. Damn, that was fast! I didn’t expect it because, well, we were together in something that felt so serious. I admit, I checked to see what he wrote in his profile – it was a bit of a thought experiment. I wanted to see if his profile was attractive to me at this time in my life. I wanted to see what I did wrong in not being able to filter him out earlier.
We had a high percentage match, but his profile writing was quite drab. It feels almost like he’s looking for something more casual this time around. It didn’t draw me in, and I suppose maybe his old one must have had more of what I was looking for.
I thought about this the other day – what was it about volleyball coach anyway? I look back and it’s hard to see what the hell it was that allowed me to see so much potential in him? And the only thing I can come up with is that when I met him, he lived in a bit of a bubble. He felt comfortable and secure, though he was sheltered from the real world. He had a false sense of security.
This false sense of security comes off as confidence, and I think that is what I saw in him. A guy that was so simple, living in his own world, but it seemed like he had it together.
This fell apart when he got let go from his job. He had to rethink his career, his education, his living arrangement, his financial position. It was huge. It was a blessing though because realistically, at some point he would have had to realize that he didn’t have as much security and stability as he had thought. He really lived in a bit of a perfect bubble when I met him and I envied that he seemed to be so comfortable. I envied this because I don’t think I’ve felt that level of comfort in my life. It was always the next thing, bettering myself in some way or another.
I don’t want to go down the route of volleyball coach again. I don’t want to make that mistake again, which is why I checked out his profile. In a way I want to be able to see the signs that I should have saw the first time around.
I also feel validated to be back online. I felt that one month (because that is how long we’ve not been together) is too short to get back out in the market! I wanted to respect our relationship of close to one year by giving it some time, but honestly I don’t owe him anything. I really should put myself first, and clearly he is doing that.
On a side note, I saw my married high school friend / acquaintance on OKCupid! It wasn’t just his profile on there, he is on there and online and active with real information about himself. Initially intriguing, but kind of disgusting too. I thought they were a great couple and that he was so in love with his wife. They even have a kid together. Wow, who would have thought signing up for online dating would bring about all these feelings.
It does make me want to crawl back into my content state and watching comedy shows with drummer guy until late in the night.