I guess it was bound to happen seeing that I had two guys in my roster. Actually Mr. International was pissing me off when he decided not to come over on Saturday night. I kept it chill and took time to myself, did some power cleaning and reevaluation of my life and online shopping. And when he invited me over Sunday night, I agreed but saw that he was still texting his ex-girlfriend. From time to time, I see him texting her, but he never brings it up and just tells me he is messaging his guys. I’m feeling on-edge about the relationship, but he was making me a steak dinner and giving me a massage.
Nearing the end of the night, I got a message from the Rock Climber to say that he was up for the booty call. I had been so horny that morning that I had messaged him for a quick one. I was thinking I’ll head over to his place after, I wasn’t sure if Mr. International was feeling sex, I always feel like I initiate. I did initiate but he didn’t seem to be going straight for it, and so I figure we could have an intimate cuddling evening and I can head over to get what I needed from the Rock Climber.
Mr. International and I talked and as usual, he is super casual with his conversation, asking me questions about volleyball rules (apparently I’m his handbook guide to volleyball rules). I started asking him about what he would be okay with in terms of boundaries for the relationship. I asked if a massage would be okay. Basically he said everything is okay but he would not be okay if I had sex with another person, which would mean that I clearly had an on-going relationship with them. He confirmed that it wouldn’t be considered cheating because we weren’t official yet – so great, at least I know I’m not cheating on him, but he did say he wasn’t okay with me having a continued relationship with another person. The good thing about all of this is that we have the same understanding of the relationship and it actually doesn’t surprise me. The bad thing about this is that the relationship is a lot more casual than I thought. It’s not that it’s not going somewhere, I think there is still that potential for it to develop further, but the other part is that because of this casual mentality, it feels more just like companionship.
Mr. International did start initiating with me! He actually went down on me, which is super rare. He did a good job too. Sex with him was good, but he did this thing where he said I should ask him for permission to orgasm… well, that didn’t go down well. Because a few times I felt like I was close, but asking to come was too much work. When it finally came down to it (I guess he wanted to orgasm together), it was too much pressure and I tensed up, and he couldn’t finish. Disappointing. He took a break, and as we went a second round, we were disturbed by a phone call (it was the Rock Climber, shit!), which I got up to decline, but he just couldn’t get back into it.
I left and went over to the Rock Climber’s place. We did some small banter, he showed me a cool volleyball move, and was actually SO much better of a coach than Volleyball Coach (who actually, I bumped into at the beach the other day and he gave me the look-away when I waved AWKWARD!). Sex with the Rock Climber was good. So glad we did just one round before he conked out. I debated staying but decided that I want to be focused the next day and it would be better to just leave.
Okay, so aside from these relationship things, I’ve decided that I’m going back to work a real regular job in the next two months. I’ve been worrying a lot about my income. It’s funny because at one point, I wanted to see if I could make a living doing phone sex, and the answer to that is probably not. I’ve been picking that up along with some side jobs to get extra cash. I feel like I’m hustling in all respects, but it might just be better if I could get a steady income. I will continue to drive my entrepreneur business on the side is what I’m thinking. There is just too much uncertainty in my life and I feel so unstable. This idea of wanting a relationship that moves forward is thrown out the door. I’m in no position to settle down in a relationship, or have the money to move in with anyone or even think about getting married or having children! Money definitely needs to come before all of these steps.
For now, my relationship with Mr. International is stable. While it is companionship, it is what I need at this particular moment. Come the end of the summer, and after Mr. International has gone on his all guys bachelor party that he has been highly anticipating, I’ll see where the relationship can go. Until now, I’m going to enjoy summer and continue juggling both Mr. International and the Rock Climber.