I had not seen Mr. International in a few days and I don’t know, I just didn’t really miss him all that much. I didn’t miss him because I didn’t feel that he adds to my life. We spend good times together, but it seems superficial. I really didn’t have a good time with him the last time we hung out. It made me feel anxious.
The Drummer Guy is kind of back in the picture, or at least he’s trying to be back in but I’m not sure about it yet. He wanted to hang out again this weekend, but I wanted to make time for Mr. International.
Mr. International cancelled Friday night archery tag plans with me because he forgot about a party he committed to. I really didn’t care that much that he cancelled. My only thought was that I should figure out what I did want to do.
I planned to stay in and I was feeling alright with that. Then on a whim, The Photographer asked me out for dinner. I said yes. To recap the last time we hung out, I got pissed at him because it seemed like instead of dating me, he just wanted a booty call situation with me. I was done with him after that, but he kind of redeemed himself this evening. He picked ramen for dinner and initially I wasn’t feeling it but then I enjoyed it so much! I love that he told me to order the larger portion and took initiative to order the sake for us. I missed eating with a foodie. My own inner foodie was so happy. It made me realize that I didn’t really like dining with Mr. International. Dining with Mr. International has made me appreciate dining with people who enjoy variety and complexity in their food, people who enjoy over ordering at restaurants.
I don’t invite him over and he seems fine with that. Good. That’s respectful. Then Mr. International suggests he will come over after his party. That’s sweet, he wants to see me. He comes over, I’m wearing a sexy outfit and he goes straight for my sofabed and falls asleep immediately! I’m pissed.
I message the Rock Climber. It’s late night Friday booty call time and I hadn’t heard from him. He responds immediately, tells me to get my ass over to his place. I contemplate it hard but can’t justify leaving my place at 3am for a quicky. I’m now wired, but tired. Not to mention that I’m kind of spotting and it’s a bit weird down there at the moment. I think that I would dread having to leave his place after the deed more than anything, and I’m not all that horny.
Who is really winning in this situation? Is it me? I have a number of options, lucky me. But what do I want?
If I pick The Drummer, I will be with someone who is stable and grew up with a similar upbringing. He will be loyal and I can trust him, but will I feel bored?
I don’t feel like I have a choice of being with Mr. International because if I did have a choice of being with him, I would have picked it already. I am starting to resent him for not being able to give more. Because of this, I don’t think I could love him. I was hoping that this would have more longer term potential.
The Photographer, at one point I could see myself with him but now I see too many of his flaws and it’s a turn off. Just tonight he reminded me of how it is to be with someone more likeminded.
The Rock Climber is not an option, just a side thing. It will never be more than that, but damn, it could be so much fun to continue. I have absolutely zero feelings for him.