I just came back from a week-long vacation with volleyball coach. Travelling as a couple is a test of the relationship, though to be honest in my past relationships every single time we travelled together was a pleasure. I found that travelling really strengthens the bond that I have with my significant others in the past. This was the first trip that made me realize what people mean when they say a vacation is a test of the relationship.
Overall, I had a great time on the trip though it really brought out some issues that made me go “WTF?!”. I basically learned that volleyball coach is not capable of planning, and particularly not good at being flexible or having contingency plans. I found out that his sense of direction is possibly worse than my sense of direction, which I didn’t think was possible. I also caught him not washing his hands after doing a #2. So that’s the bad. The good was that he was very tentative and understanding when I wasn’t feeling well during the trip because it was my “special time of the month”. He would voluntarily go grab me pain killers and was okay with me taking it easy. Our vacation pace is also quite similar.
I came back having a lot of doubts about the relationship. I’m used to having a significant other that is capable of taking care of me. But as I gave it more thought, I think I forget that even my past relationships were not perfect, but somehow I was way less judgemental. Mystery man was bad at organizing and planning too. I recall one time I had to help him make reservations for a brunch before a clay sculpturing activity. The clay sculpturing activity was first come first serve and we were so late that we couldn’t get in. Mystery man was perpetually late, which resulted in my friends waiting on him often. I was so blindly in love with him that I didn’t care.
It’s not that volleyball coach came up short on too many things, it is because I am not blindly in love with him. He on the other hand is blindly in love with me though. There’s a bit of a role reversal and it seems that I am now his mystery man. He loves me in much of the same way that I loved mystery man. And here I am finding myself on the other side, being the lover that love less, is more critical and is less blinded by emotions. I had to think a bit about my position.
My position in this relationship is one of power. I hold the key to allowing it to continue because volleyball coach will continue to love me blindly. I might never feel as strongly about him as he does about me, but I have the capacity to love him, maybe not blindly, but in a more rational manner. I can choose to treat his kindness and blind love with respect and allow him to continue to believe that I am perfect for him, when in my eyes it seems that I might be one of many people that can fulfill his needs.
I recently met someone who reminds me a lot of myself but is a bit older. I told her about this revelation and she feels that I am mature beyond my years when I made the realization that a man that is loyal and can love you blindly is much more important than any other trait. I realize that I am capable of taking care of and compensating for his weaknesses. There is no need to be with someone that has the same strengths as I do. I spoke to her about how I feel like the relationship just feels nicely stable and doesn’t have the highs and lows of my past relationships. That means that I will probably never feel the highs that I’ve felt in some of my past relationships again.
The fact of the matter is that volleyball coach’s love for me means that he will be willing to try harder to please me than those other men who was not capable of loving me in this way. Despite his stubbornness and other negative qualities, he would be willing to put in more effort and be more loyal to me than these other men. And if I am able to recognize this and appreciate him for the man that he is, then I can be deserving of this love that he gives me. And that is what love is.
I will never again be burdened by a man that casts doubts on our relationship, a man that will inflict emotional pain on me. I am in control of this relationship and the key is in my hands to determine whether it succeeds or fails.