Volleyball Coach and I keep getting closer together and we went for a romantic weekend getaway that involved a winery tour, romantic dinner with fireworks, gambling, shopping and ice cream. During the dinner, he said he was so lucky to have found me and it was so sweet. We’ve been together for four months now, and he says he feels like he doesn’t know me very well still but it’s been a fun journey getting to know me.
After the weekend getaway, I felt that we were closer and he started making plans for me to meet his parents and he wanted to do more things with me, like try yoga classes. Well, I think I mentioned before that volleyball coach is a man of routine, and having work-life balance. Well, it all happened so quickly, but he got fired from his day job today (he works in human resource, and does volleyball coaching on the side)! I knew that this is huge for him, and entirely unforeseen. I just knew instinctively that I had to be there for him, and be his rock.
I stayed positive, gave him some pep talk and started helping him look into speaking with an employment lawyer. I’m not so worried about him finding a job, or his financial circumstances truthfully, because I know that he will find something else. I do feel like him losing his job will test our relationship, even more so than that weekend getaway trip has.
One thing that I am good at is resume writing and finding jobs. I am persistent, ambitious and career-driven, I’ve always been. The way I see it, he has a problem that I know how to resolve and I am damn good at it. As I start to shift his mindset to start thinking about how to approach this, I start to wonder if I’m doing too much.
It scares me. I don’t want to be this person in a relationship. I am always the one taking care of people, and in a relationship, I thought I wanted someone who I can trust and can take care of me. I’m scared that bringing this side of me out will change the dynamic of the relationship. Up until recently, I’ve tried to avoid talking about my job and my career. I want him to get to know me as this person outside of work first and foremost, but now I feel that that side of me can be of use to him. Though I don’t know if I want to actively help him in that way and whether he would even appreciate it?
Part of me thinks that even though I can help him, it might be better for me to play the role of being his emotional rock. Sometimes I can be smothering, and I think that is something that I want to avoid. And it is so much more than just testing my role in this relationship. There will definitely be things that will need to be on hold until he has this all figured out. I’m okay with postponing our planned vacations, and even shifting some of the activities that we want to do together, but what I realize now is that his life priorities will also be shifting. I already know that he will not be welcoming this break, he wants to find a new job immediately. I’m afraid that he will be putting our relationship on a pause until he figures things out.
Relationship-wise, it could be a good thing that this unfortunate event is testing us. If we can make it through this then I think it could make our relationship stronger.