It’s been almost 6 months since I’ve had sex and maybe even more since I’ve felt a strong desire for sex. I don’t think anything is particularly wrong with me. I didn’t have a deep connection with mystery man, and so it feels natural that our sex life wasn’t so good. I rarely declined sex with him, I thought physically it felt very good, but passion was what was missing. Then the break-up was very difficult on me and so I wasn’t feeling very sexual.
I am only starting to feel that my sex drive is increasing and that makes me feel very excited. I think that it is a sign that I’m finally starting to get over the break-up. For the first time in a very long time, I have very strong sexual thoughts. I am able to think about sex without associating it with my ex. I feel like my sex drive right now is like water that is starting to boil after waiting a very long time.
My physical activity recently has increased with all of these bootcamp classes that I am going to and it totally helps that I feel really sexy. I even feel like I have a butt these days and I would check it in the mirror sometimes! My confidence is coming back.
There is nobody that I am really interested in having sex with at the moment. Nobody really comes in mind when I think about having sex really. Sometimes, I think about the traveller, because we had a very sexually driven relationship and he recently messaged me on LinkedIn of all platforms. He has moved yet again since we spoke and is still living in another country. I have no feelings for him, but thought it was nice that we can be on talking terms. It’s clear he thinks about me and still cares about me, but it’s also clear that he is not interested in being in a relationship with anyone.
The guys that I am seeing do not seem very sexually driven, which is actually a good thing. Generally, I feel like now that I am finally opening up, the men that I am talking to seem not that responsive. I’m indifferent about them, but I am also trying to keep an open mind to see whether either of them can go anywhere. Volleyball coach and I have a few dates lined up, a volleyball skill clinic class and maybe some food preparation. He has been the most responsive. Filipino man is becoming less responsive and seems only to suggest getting together if it seems convenient. I let him know that I’m available on Friday, but he has yet to let me know whether he wants to make plans with me.
I’m definitely not putting my bets on just these two guys. I’m still on OKCupid, and I am still going to events, although a little less frequently now that I am working more.