My Broken Heart Strings

Sales guy and I are on our third date, and he asked me to come uptown, which is fair because the last two times he came down to see me.  I knew that there was a chance that he lives in the same building as Mystery Man and I wasn’t sure if I could be okay with that.  It turns out that he lives in the same triplex of buildings that Mystery Man lives in.  I decide to cast the fact that this bothers me aside and went to see him anyway.

Just driving to his place, parking in the same parking lot in the triplex just sends shivers in me.  I thought this was behind me and that I was moving on, but it just pulled on too many of my broken heart strings.

I tried to park further away from the spots that I used to park in when I saw Mystery Man.  There are just too many memories that I have of being with Mystery Man in that parking lot.  Driving to his place to workout as an excuse to stay over with him, him driving my car in that parking lot, kissing him in that parking lot, getting parking passes so that I can stay over at his place, helping him get stuff from his locker.  Clearly I still have an attachment to what we had together.  I am not fully over Mystery Man admittedly, and just being in the parking lot of his residence has made me aware of that fact.

I’m not ready to see Mystery Man yet.  It seems I can’t even feel okay with being in his parking lot.  I feel like if I see him, I would feel an immensely strong urge to want to be with him.  It would be completely irrational for so many reasons.  So part of my qualm with being there is my fear of accidentally running in to Mystery Man.

Being in the Sales Guy’s home was completely fine.  I was a little worried that he had some expectations of furthering our physical relationship, but he was a gentleman about all of it.  Sales guy did talk a bit about where we were heading, and I kept things casual and said that I just want to see where things were going and said I was okay with him talking to other people.  I really want to take things slowly and not feel pressured.

The date went well and we ended up doing dinner at an interesting steam hotpot place.  Aside from the whole issue of him residing in the same triplex as Mystery Man, I was very  happy being with sales guy.  There were many parts of the date where I was just elated at how well we connected.  We have shared interests, such as casually watching basketball and we have similar views on religion, and I think we have similar views on money too.  I was happy to see that he and I are probably similar on the spectrum of being messy or clean.  Overall, I think we both want the same thing in a relationship.

Physically, I do feel a sense of closeness with him, however at this point I don’t feel a strong sexual desire for him.  I’m not sure if I have a strong physical attraction to him, though I also feel like there could be a bit of something there that could develop over time.  I definitely think that I need to let go of Mystery Man before I can fully appreciate sales guy.

As I drove home after leaving sales guy’s place, I just felt so emotional and I felt like I wanted to cry.  I want so badly to leave the relationship with Mystery Man behind me, I really do.  It just has such a strong hold on me, and today has been a very confusing day for me.

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