Personal Growth

First I bumped into Mystery Man’s online dating profile, and then I hear from my friend’s girlfriend that she bumped into Mystery Man on a date with another girl.  I don’t want to know about this stuff because it reels me back into the reality of once being with mystery man and admittedly it still hurts me.  It feels odd because even though I do still care, I also realize how much better my life has been without him pulling me down.

I didn’t realize at the time that he was a bit depressing and didn’t want to do much.  Now, if I want to go to a fitness class, try something new, or go on an extended trip with my friends – I just go and do it.  I feel free and it feels like there’s a lot of possibilities for me to grow.  As I go out to do these things that typically single people do, I realize that there are a lot of people in relationships that continue to go out to meet new people and continue to grow themselves.  I guess for me, when I’m in a relationship, I think about growing as a couple and I realize that I did not put emphasis on me as an individual.  I know why it is, it is because I felt insecure in the relationship and felt the need to strengthen it.

I’ve been very busy getting myself out there and trying to meet new people.  I’ve been going to fitness classes, trying improv, trying cross-fit, going to foodie events, conventions, networking events, playing volleyball, doing yoga.  The secret to all this and making it not as exhausting is to do things that I would like to do anyway.  It has been great and I feel fitter than I’ve ever been in quite some time.  I have not yet met anyone while doing these activities, though I’m not so discouraged.  The reality is that I really only need to meet one person that is the right one for me.

Mentally, I know that I’m not completely ready for something new quite yet.  I like to think that I’m about 90% there and I need to sort out about 10% of the stuff internally.

I am continuing to go on dates, and I think things have taken an upturn because I’m just enjoying the dating process more and I am more selective in who I choose to go on a date with.  I recently went on a date with a guy in sales.  Sales guy and I really clicked and I really liked his personality.  He ticks off some boxes such as living by himself and having good general knowledge even though he wasn’t so familiar with the downtown area.  He drives a nice car and seems to have his life together.  Physically, I’m not sure if I’m attracted to him because he’s on the heavier side.  Sales guy and I have been texting and he has suggested seeing each other again, however he has been out of the city for the last week.  Things seem to have slowed down with him, though I’m not sure if I care, I am just trying to keep an open mind.  I think there could be some potential here, but I’d have to get to know him more.

I have been texting with another guy who is also terrible with response times, though I can tell that he puts in the effort to think about his responses.  What also impressed me about him is that he made plans to call me the day before our date.  The phone call itself was a little underwhelming with him asking if we could meet halfway between where he was staying and where I live and him saying that he usually would come to me if he wasn’t temporarily staying with his parents during the long weekend.  I get the feeling that he goes on a lot of dates, which can be a good or bad thing.  I’m willing to scope it out, because up until the actual phone call he seemed like a really good online match.

I think the older I get, the more I realize that a partner that is dedicated, loyal and trustworthy is really important.  This is more important than being ambitious, good looking and sharing common hobbies.  I mean, if I find him incredibly unattractive, or feel like he is incredibly sheltered then obviously that won’t work out, but I think that I value these traits much more now that I’ve been through the relationship with Mystery Man.

Now that I’m no longer in a relationship with Mystery Man, I realize that there were many things that I don’t like about him that I no longer have to endure.  He was not punctual, to the point where I just had to accept it and explain to my friends that we would just be the couple that was never on time for anything.  He was not someone who was open and shared his daily life or big decision items for that matter.  He also didn’t share his feelings often with me and though we had conversations, not many of our conversations were very deep and so our connection was not very deep.  Often times when we go out to eat, I get bored because I feel like we are stuck discussing mundane daily things or if I share an interest of mine he gets bored (similar to the video I saw of us at the wedding, I can see him checking out mentally).  I think this kind of stuff (mainly poor communication) reflects on our sex life.  I didn’t feel like I was connected to him or that he truly cared about me and my needs, which made it difficult for me to be intimate with him.

A good indicator of how I know that I am not completely ready for something new is because I really don’t have much of a sex drive.  My low sex drive has been consistent and I know this is my body’s way of telling me that I am just not mentally ready to really do this yet.  I don’t even have the urge to just make-out with somebody for fun.  It just isn’t in me yet, but I am enjoying meeting people and going on dates so I’ll just keep doing that and seeing how I feel.



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