I’ve quit my job and starting to mentally disengage so that I can re-focus on building my own business and do a bit of soul searching. This is the new start that I’ve been looking for. I’m finally accepting my single life and learning to enjoy it. Maybe I’m enjoying it a bit too much because it’s just been one activity after the next and I need a break, even if it’s just to do laundry.
People are asking me whether I plan to do any travelling and while I honestly think that is a great idea, I need to regroup myself at home first. I have a list of errands that need to be done and just loose ends that need to be looked at. Travelling is great for getting away, and I think I’ve done some of that already after the breakup, even though it was for work. Travelling is great for escaping, and I think I’m past that phase of the breakup. I’ve already accepted it for what it is and I need to embrace this new life.
Beach volleyball, skiing, drinking at the bar, improv, fitness class, and foodie events – the list just keeps growing. And it actually doesn’t feel fake. I want to do these things. It wasn’t like how I felt when we first broke-up. I am realizing that I’m actually going to do all of the things that I am enjoying doing. I can even wake up and walk the dogs every morning. I don’t feel bogged down by the relationship anymore, and it’s quite the opposite.
There is absolutely no way that I would have these types of experiences if I was still in a relationship. He just didn’t want to do anything, and now I realize that his unwillingness to do stuff with me was shittier than I thought. I feel like I’m having a lot more fun doing these new activities than hanging out with the usual mutual friends. I have a lot more variety in what I do. Before it was more like… let’s see what the group is up to, and then figure out if I want to do that or not. Now, I actually have a real choice in what I want to do. I go out and seek new activities to try, and I am more open to invitations. Honestly, my life has improved now that I am out of the relationship with Mystery Man.
Remember that vacation / wedding we went on together in the summer? Well, I just saw a video clip of us attending the wedding and I was explaining why it means so much for us to be at the wedding and in the video I can see him mentally checking out as I spoke. He was actually just looking around and scoping others at the party. It so perfectly captured how our relationship was that it felt so good to have reaffirmation of why we are no longer together. Now that I think about it, even during the wedding he was talking and getting to know other girls at the party.
It’s so crazy how becoming more emotionally removed has allowed me to have a clearer picture of what actually went down in that relationship with Mystery Man. It has taken time and effort on my part to mentally get to where I am today. I no longer feel like if I were to see him today that it would feel the same way as it did when we were together. I still feel resentment towards him, I do. I do feel like he did me wrong. He initiated with me, and went along with the relationship while at the same time still looking elsewhere for opportunities to be with other women. He did this knowing that I wanted to try to have a committed relationship with him. He never tried or gave our relationship a chance to be anything more than it was. I am resentful, but I also know that in time this resentment will also fade.