Slowly Moving on from Mystery Man

I went on a long weekend trip with the girlfriends and it was so hectic, crazy and a lot of fun.  There was just so many activities and coming back from the trip I feel like a bit of a different person.  I can feel myself finally getting over Mystery Man.  It’s been about 8 weeks since we broke up, and 6 weeks since I’ve seen or talked to him so it seems about time that I moved on.

Up until now, I still thought about being with Mystery Man.  Staying closely connected to social media meant that I was riled up every time I saw something that just didn’t sit well with me about Mystery Man.  I really tried hard to distance myself from all of that.  I didn’t end up blocking him from social media but I stopped checking our group chats for a bit.

The shock of not being with Mystery Man anymore is gone.  I’m now comfortably single and I think I’m also doing a good job of getting out there to meet people.  The act of getting out there to try new things is no longer a chore, but something that I enjoy doing.  It has become my new lifestyle, and I feel good about it.  I would say that all of these activities that I am doing, it would just not happen if I was in a relationship.

I can say that I almost feel like I’m back to the self that I was right before I met Mystery Man.  Right before I met Mystery Man, I was just getting into the groove of starting my own Meetup group, organizing one of my biggest events and starting a following.  I happily scoped out a hip area in the city and arrived at my event early to arrange a last minute restaurant book out.  I just remember walking through this one area and feeling ecstatic.  I was happy with my single life and I was looking forward to adventures of meeting the right guy.  There was very little drama in my life.  I had just finished school and I was grateful to have all of this free time!  It was a great time in my life, and I think I can get back to that same place.

There was just way too much drama in my life resulting from Mystery Man and that group of friends.  I’m not sure if Mystery Man knows how being with him really felt.  Even I didn’t fully acknowledge how shitty I felt when I was with him.  Choosing not to continue talking to Mystery Man and that group of friends was certainly something that I needed to do to get back to being me.  They say drama follows dramatic people, and I truly believe it’s because non-dramatic people just wouldn’t put up with the drama and leave.  I turned a blind eye to much of what was happening around me in this social group, but I was never unaware of it.  I always knew what people were saying about my relationship with Mystery Man and I was okay with it because I chose to ignore it, though that just wasn’t enough because I was constantly surrounded by it.

I feel like leaving Mystery Man and the group of friends has created space in my life that I can now fill.  It is like cleaning a closet and now having the opportunity to use the new closet space for whatever I want.  I like to also think that by choosing not to remain friends, I helped Mystery Man not be tied down to whatever it is what we would have had and also forced him to move on.  At this point, I could still go back to them if I wanted, but after seeing what my life is like without this group of friends, I just feel like I’m on the right trajectory.

In my mind, I feel that it is only when I start to move on from the relationship with Mystery Man that he would truly realize his loss.  At this point, I find it harder to picture myself being happy with being with him the way we were before.  I have a more grounded view of what it was that we actually had.  He never loved me in the way that I needed to be loved and I would be silly to pick him over the potential of meeting someone that is willing to give more to me.

We had our good times, but honestly, there was no part of the relationship that I can single out and say that it was what I wanted.  It was utterly imperfect the whole time because he was not able to commit to me.  Throughout the relationship, he always had one eye elsewhere and there was nothing I could do about that.  I had faith that he would eventually realize how great I was, but it just never happened and that is not my fault.



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