I have never blocked an ex-boyfriend from social media before as far as I can remember. I think it’s because I feel like the motion of blocking, is an action that shows that I care enough to make that action. I admit that I do view their posts and in the past it has hurt me to see some of the things that they put on there, especially when the breakup was still fresh. I remember the Traveller’s post of his new fling and seeing him on a dating website shortly after we broke-up shocked me, but as time passed I came to like his Instagram posts of his travels. The memory of the feelings that I had for him and our relationship became more distant and I become okay with seeing him with someone else.
Socks Jock recently posted an endearing photo of him and someone who I think is his new significant other. I’m intrigued, but it doesn’t spark a spur of emotions. MBA Guy is now engaged, and he has always wanted a long term relationship. His fiance is the mirror image of him, which is something that I am not. Sometimes I even like to see who my exes end up with, and it helps me come to terms with why we were never a great match to begin with.
The Traveller’s fling didn’t work out, and it reaffirms that he is not one to be able to work on a relationship. He’s just too much of a free and independent spirit. Socks Jock is with someone who is younger and in the same school program as him, and this makes sense because he was much younger than me. He’s not ready to be with someone seven years older than him, who is looking for the potential to settle down in a few years. It gives me affirmation of why my relationship with these men did not work. I don’t actively reach out to them over social media or try to make contact. I do not drunk text.
I am however reconsidering this rule for Mystery Man. It’s the group chats that we are in that kills me. Recently there has been banter about Mystery Man and his new so-called crush. Knowing him, he’s probably just trying to get into someone’s pants. I mean, of course I expected this. He wanted to leave the relationship, and of course he’s going to go out and about trying to find something better. That is the whole point of why he wanted to leave and exactly the reason why I shouldn’t be with him.
I don’t want to hear about it, but I don’t want to take what I think is an active act of leaving the group chat… and if I leave that group, why shouldn’t I leave the two or three others that I am in with him? Is it an all or nothing decision? So far, my choice to not see him, and not interact with that group of friends has been a passive one.
Mystery Man is different, because it wasn’t just him but a whole network of people that I met around the same time that we got together. So if I wanted to ensure that I don’t see anything at all relating to him, do I block this entire group of people? It certainly seems excessive. I’m self-conscious too. I don’t want to seem like THAT girl that is riled up by a breakup and is now broken, yes, that is the word – I don’t want people to think that I am broken because of this breakup. I want them to see the me that is independent and strong – blocking an entire network of people and pretending that they don’t exist kind of seems like what a broken person would do, right?
I just want to be this girl that no longer comes out because, well, I choose not to hang around them anymore. I have a different group of friends that I’d rather focus on. I’m giving myself space away from Mystery Man, and going out there in hopes to find someone that is a better match for me. And, if I happen to see them or bump into them in the future, I’m not giving off that vibe of not wanting to talk to them and being awkward about it. I just want it to be a matter of choice that I am spending less time with Mystery Man and this group of friends.