At some point, I will have to see Mystery Man. Even though I am not hanging out with our mutual group of friends anymore, there are at least one or two mutual friends that we have that I care enough about that I’m not willing to dodge to get away from Mystery Man. As this became more of a realisation for me, I started to feel angry again about the breakup and how it came to be.
The more I look back retrospectively, the more I realize that I am more in tune to what was going on and that my hunches were probably bang on. I feel angry that Mystery Man was never available emotionally. So I talked about his ex-girlfriend, and yes, I do think that he hung on to this idea of an ideal relationship that he knew from being with her, but his emotional attachment was not to her. I always felt that Mystery Man had feelings for the blonde girl in our mutual group of friends and as I think back about it, it is even more clearer to me that this is the case!
Just so many things he does is for the sake of this girl. There are many people in this group of mutual friends that we had together that Mystery Man just doesn’t connect with. There are only a certain few people that Mystery Man actually came out for, and she was one of those reasons. I just think of the effort that he has put into his relationship with her, and many times it seems like more than what he has given to me.
- Even when we first got together, on that day, he took the time to say goodbye to her before she left on an extended trip to go back to her home country
- Whenever we were all out together, he makes sure to find time to talk to her personally at a one on one level and they often would spend hours away from the group just talking and gossiping. Sometimes they were on a bed together or hidden away secretly in a corner gossiping.
- Even though he’s fussy with pictures, he’s okay with taking pictures with her in them. One time we were going to the island and we took a ton of photos with her. His current profile photo is actually a photo of them together, but he has cropped her partially out of the photo.
- When we are out drinking, and she gets wasted drunk as she usually does, he has dropped everything to drive her home. On one occasion when he wasn’t driving and we were taking an Uber, he had us take her home in the Uber. I can see this being acceptable to help a friend out when they are drunk, but I think he goes above and beyond to get her home when she has a boyfriend and she chooses herself to get pissed drunk and she certainly has the capability to pay for a cab ride home herself.
- There were so many times where we would just go out with the mutual group of friends and he would just ignore me and focus on her. One time, we were running through the rain and I remember him sharing an umbrella with her while I was left sharing an umbrella with someone else.
- When we were going to a girl’s night out, I actually offered to drive the blonde girl and she mentioned to me that Mystery Man warned her to be careful because the area that we were meeting for the girl’s night out was not safe. Where was my personal warning and concern for my safety?
- On her birthday, he had fallen ill so I suggested skipping out on the first part of the activities and join the dinner part. Even though he was ill, he insisted on going.
- On her birthday, he bought her a thoughtful gift of a sailor moon locket set, which included a necklace (so, basically he bought her jewellery). When I asked him to make a jewellery pendant with his 3D printer for me, he basically ignored my requests even though it was something easy that he could do (they print out things for fun all the time). In comparison, on my birthday, he bought me stationary.
- I already mentioned this, but basically the time when I found him massaging her with her top off at a party.
- He does actually hang out with her alone and has taken her to a nice Japanese restaurant before. I also know that she comes over to his place at times.
- When we hang out with a tighter knit of friends, he’ll invite her. He’s even asked to invite her over for dinner last Christmas even though she isn’t typically part of that group of friends, he tries to include her.
- When he was supposed to buy me flowers for a brunch that I was throwing, he instead goes off on a walk with the blonde girl and comes back empty handed. I live near two grocery stores, many convenient stores and he owns a car. There is no reason to come back empty handed except for the fact that he didn’t want to buy me flowers, especially in front of the blonde girl.
- He always asks her what she wants to drink when we are at a party, and often shares drinks with her. In one incident, she didn’t want to share her drink because she had a cold sore and Mystery Man who cannot stand a little bit of body odour is completely okay with cold sore infected drinks as long as it comes from the blonde girl.
Many of these incidences could seem innocent, which is why I had tried to dismiss it. I’d tell myself that she has a boyfriend and that they were just good friends. All things considered and looking back, I just know that Mystery Man has a crush on this blonde girl and it kills me. I am angry about it, but I don’t know where to direct my anger. I have negative feelings towards this blonde, but of course I can’t be angry at her. I’m angry at Mystery Man, but I should feel sorry for him because it seems he cannot control his own feelings and I’m sure that it sucks to have a crush on a girl that is not interested and is actually in a relationship. I want to say that maybe he feels the same way that I feel whenever he sees her with him, but it absolutely is not the same as what he did to me.
Last year, when we broke up, this was the exact thought that I had in my mind, except I got so side tracked with this other girl that he brought to the party that I just dismissed the ordeal with the blonde girl entirely. I was just so caught up in the latest drama that I thought that I was wrong about this because the blonde girl had a boyfriend. The bottomline really is that Mystery Man was never emotionally available, regardless of who had his attention.
Part of me wants to confront him about it. I want to tell him that he is a fool for not being able to let her go and that she would never love him. That once he realizes his foolishness that only then would he realize how he had taken me for granted, but then it would be too late. I hope that he feels guilt from the pain that he causes me. He would eventually realize how he has wasted so much time on unrequited love and then he would realize that he is an old man that is alone. I think about throwing all of this in his face, but then I realize that his fate if he continues down this road is worse than anything that I could ever say to him anyway.
The more that I think about this, the more I don’t want to face Mystery Man. Part of it is that I don’t know how I feel about him nowadays. I think I love him still but I am just so angry at him. They say that if you really love someone that you should want them to feel happy, even if they aren’t with you, right? Well, no. I don’t think I wish anything bad to Mystery Man, but at the same time I also don’t wish upon him anything good. He is just like a stranger on the street to me… I kind of just feel indifferent about whether good or bad things happen to them.