This is my first real dating blog posting about actual dating since I’ve been single. Exciting, maybe more so for my readers than myself actually. I have a clearer sense now of what I am looking for and a better appreciation of the patience that I will need to have to find someone suitable as a life partner, and dare I say it… husband. Since I’ve been down with the flu, I haven’t had as much opportunity to go out, and get myself out there as I had hoped to. In a way, I’ve accepted it as a way of testing my patience and actually giving me more time to grieve over the end of my recent relationship.
I’ve been using a dating app called Coffee Meets Bagel, and it is doing a phenomenal job at connecting me with quality men – and not the guys who are out to send me their dick pictures or who are just dtf (down to fuck).
It has connected me with two notable guys. One who has graduated from the same university program as me, and is also a professional accountant… let’s call him Old School Man because he’s kind of in the dark when it comes to technology. Old School Man is taking me out on a coffee date tomorrow. Old School Man seems to have a stable job, and is close with his much younger brother who has recently moved in. We naturally have some things in common since we have a similar educational background, though he’s three years older than me.
Let’s call the other one Startup Man, because he works for a startup company and has the exact mentality that you would expect from an entrepreneur. He does competitive weight lifting, loves to travel and see the world and he expects a lot from his partner. He hasn’t asked me out yet, but rather, has asked to call me. I say okay to the call, and he casually calls me while he is in-line at the supermarket while shopping with someone else. Startup Man reminds me of Mystery Man, ambitious, gung-ho, but not yet ready for anything serious, or so it seems… or maybe I am assuming that because he reminds me of Mystery Man.
I’m not sure whether I am completely over Mystery Man yet, but I feel like I am 90% there. My girlfriend actually noted that I am taking the breakup better than most others that I’ve gone through. I’ve accepted now that he wasn’t right for me, and that it is highly unlikely that he could change enough to be the man that I need him to be for me. I try not to take it personally, but I find it easier to just not see him.
The coffee date with Old School Man will not be my first date since we’ve split. I connected with an acquaintance that took me to the movies. It was a matinee movie and the date was horrible because Sheltered Man, well, he kind of reeked like he hadn’t washed his clothes in a few days. He also was clueless the whole time. He didn’t realize the movie time he picked was for a VIP showing, and he didn’t want to pay extra for it initially. He didn’t know the area and as we were window shopping at a golf store and art store he said he isn’t into either golfing or art… though he didn’t seem to be into anything other than living with his parents. He lied about a job opportunity that he was offered (I know it was a lie because I work in the same field, though I didn’t say anything). He seemed to have a really sheltered life. He ended up trading the tickets in for the VIP showing and by then we had missed the trailers and most of the VIP perks. I dashed home as quickly as I could after the movie ended.
As I am going through the dating experience this time, I know better to just be passive about the process. The only effort that I put in is to get myself out there, talk to men and see what happens. I don’t initiate, I just go along with it.
Speaking of previous bad dating experiences – I ran into the Pie Guy at the grocery store. We dated for 6 weeks and he just disappeared. He could not avoid me as our glances locked at the grocery store. He said hi, and I said something along the lines of, “Heyyy, long time no talk,” and walked quickly by him. I think he was mortified, but I couldn’t care less. I made mistakes with Pie Guy, but my mistake was basically that I let him in way too quickly without noticing that he wasn’t who I thought he was, which was a nice, ambitious guy, looking for a real relationship and willing to work for it.