I’m feeling so much better now and I’m definitely seeing the light at the end of this tunnel. The reason why I feel better now is because I’ve made my decision that Mystery Man and I cannot be friends, and that I cannot continue to be friends with this group of mutual superficial friends that I’ve been hanging out with in the past two years. It was a difficult decision to make, but now that I’ve made it, it feels so much better.
I’m also able to openly acknowledge that Mystery Man and I were just not good together. It seems like we don’t want the same things in a relationship and now that we aren’t together, I feel like all of a sudden my insecurities in that relationship are gone! It’s no longer a problem that I have to deal with from day to day anymore. It is no longer my burden to have a boyfriend that continues to seek out other women and doesn’t seem to want to commit to growing a relationship with me. I am freed of that.
I feel good being single right now and I’m realizing how much time I have now to do things that I want to do for me. I’m no longer reserving my time for Mystery Man and feeling anxious to get home to see him or having to wait for him to come over. I’m taking a break from cooking at home and just redirecting that energy elsewhere.
I’m excited to start a new chapter and I have learned things from this relationship that I hope to bring to new relationships that I have in the future. More to come on what I’ve learned to come, but I’m excited that my also single girlfriend Lena and I will be tackling being single head first and setting ourselves out there to meet new people. She seems to be up for trying new things, meeting new people and it’s been exciting brainstorming what activities we can try!
I want to do it right this time, and as I look back at some of the guys that seemingly were really into me but I have rejected I started to wonder if I made the wrong decision in letting them go. As it set on me that I am now single, I started talking to some of these guys again and it was as if all of a sudden the reason why I rejected them became immediately obvious.
So, I spoke to Baseball Guy after the break-up and he pulled one of his stupid moves and stole my cellphone for half a day. Immediately, I remembered that he was a psycho that likes to hide important possessions of mine (such as my shoes) for no good reason, and likely thinks it’s being fun and playful. His recent reluctance to help a fellow co-worker in need of medical attention again showed me that he is driven by his own interests and agenda in a way that is irrational. Also, his introduction of a church friend of his into the company that we work for reminded me of how he is quite the devote Christian, and I am not religious. His church friend did not fit in the company and was quickly fired, which again reflected his poor judgement of people. All of this is likely a good thing as it reaffirmed my decision not to be with him.
I also spoke to another man whom I think I referred to as the guy who got a way, and the guy who I misjudged – but upon further consideration I don’t think I misjudged him. My previous blog post about him is here. He messaged me to tell me he has unblocked me from social media now that him and his girlfriend have broken up for good. He has whisked away to another nearby city after not being able to find a stable job. This is the second time that he has moved to another city to somehow escape from his situation (family issues, and now joblessness). In my conversation with him, he stated that he found the older people in his company are boring and don’t do anything while he wants to explore and try out new activities. He has this air of arrogance, and funny thing is that Mystery Man worked with him and also said the same thing about this arrogance and about him being close-minded. He’s definitely not the type to put in the effort needed for a successful relationship and now I see that I made the right choice.
I think I’ve made the right choice to not be with the two men mentioned, but a lot of misjudgements and end up pursuing the wrong guys way too often. This is why I really need to take the time to not get too attached too early on and take the time to pick the right guy this time around. I need to be sure, and in my next post I will discuss what I am actually looking for in a man.