Alright, today was the first day after the break-up with Mystery Man that I’ve felt amazing. An old high school friend of mine asked me to a holiday work party. His date cancelled on him and we were going to just catch-up but he actually decided to bring me to the party. Let’s call him the Army Man, since he used to be in the army. Army Man and I get together from time to time, but I have no romantic interest in him. We kissed once, but it was awkward as hell and I never saw him after that until now. He has little interest in me romantically too, but I’m sure he’d be up for a fling if I let it go that way (which I wouldn’t).
I went shopping a few days ago and bought this kick-ass sexy dress. I really put some real effort into dressing up today and I felt like the hottest female at this party! He was very impressed and treated me like a lady all night. This was exactly what I needed to boost my self esteem. I knew I had this in me to be smoking hot, but it’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this way. I didn’t even realize how deep the criticisms that Mystery Man had of me had gone. There was always something, from the way I smelled to my purse style… I always dismissed it because I felt like I didn’t care, but it’s only now that I realize that I deserve to feel smoking hot, at least sometimes.
It definitely feels good to dress up sometimes, and actually give a fuck about what I look like. I may have taken that for granted when I was in the relationship, but part of that is just innate in me. I’m the kind of person that values comfort over style, which doesn’t mean I can’t do style, I’m just practical about it. I think I am realizing that there’s a balance to this and that sometimes it’s fun to bring out all the guns.
Army Man is not someone that I am interested in dating, but I am just so grateful to have this one night with him. It was just the perfect timing too. I just want to let this moment sink in and realize that maybe what I had with Mystery Man was not right, that I was selling myself short. I deserve so much more than a man that disrespects me by flirting with other women in front of me, ignores my sexual needs and takes me for granted. On top of that he is reluctant to put in effort to make things better.
So while my realization that Mystery Man may be depressed may be true, that is something he needs to overcome. I cannot help him with that, and especially now that he has decided to not be together with me, I really cannot help him. I need to put myself first.
In the example of Socks Jock, he was dealing with some drug problems and that was something he needed to overcome. And even if Socks Jock is clean now and even if he wanted to try having a relationship with me now, I would decline.
I need to meet a man that is not going through a crisis. There are many other men out there that are more suitable, and I need to stop having tunnel vision. A miracle would be needed for Mystery Man and I to work, he would have to be a completely different person than he is today. It would almost have to be like meeting a brand new version of himself, which is unlikely to happen in the near future.
Today, Army Man told me that it took him six months to process a break-up that he went through with one of his ex-girlfriends! Six months! He was so engrossed in rebuilding his business, and making something of himself that he took his relationship with this girl for granted. In my honest opinion, this girl was much stronger than me and took it upon herself to end things with him given his lack of effort. She is also likely much better without him and is with a better person that would treat her better. This sounds like the same destiny for Mystery Man and I.