The Day He Went Away

Mystery man again has brought up the issue that our relationship is lacking passion and that he doesn’t feel like this is something that we can overcome through effort.  This comes roughly one month after he last brought it up and decided that he would stay.  I guess not much effort was made in this area of our relationship, but everything else just seemed alright.  We adopted two puppies (one of which will eventually go to my brother), and everyone has been coming over to visit.  Despite the additional work that the puppies require, things continue to go well, at least that is what I thought.

Mystery man confessed that he just doesn’t feel that romantic spark with me and that it made him unhappy in the relationship.  Last time he brought this up, I said he could just leave if he felt that was the right thing to do but also said that I wanted him to stay.  This time, I was more adamant about him staying, and maybe it was because we have puppies now and I felt like I needed him more.  He seems more compelled to go this time for good and said that he doesn’t want to be with me.

He has just become such an integral part of my life now that I just don’t know what I would do now.  At this point, there are many moving pieces in my life.  I was in the middle of planning a career change, the new puppies, and then mystery man leaving is just too much to deal with all at once.  I need him now more than ever for that stability.

I put up a stance against him leaving, but I realize now that is selfish.  I’m not denying that the sexual part of our relationship is lacking.  Of course I wish it could be better and I feel like it is something that we could definitely work on, but he disagrees.  In my mind, I wish that there was more foreplay, more effort on his part to turn me on and in his mind, he wants to naturally feel the urge to do these things.  He doesn’t know why he doesn’t feel these urges with me.

He doesn’t feel the urge to be romantic or feel like I am to be pursued.  He said that this is something that he wants and he has felt this with other girls that he has been with, particularly his one long term relationship.  I’m heartbroken because I can’t do anything about his attraction towards me.  It seems like I’m just not his type, despite all of our compatibilities.

As sure as he seems, he also adds that it is a complete possibility that a few months down the line, he may have a change of heart.  He wants to let me go and be single, not wait around for him, but if that day ever comes then he seems to want to leave that door open incase he made the wrong decision.  I’m not sure how to interpret this, but at least for the time being, I think I should mentally wrap my head around the fact that the relationship is coming to an end.  This is really difficult for me as our lives are now so intertwined.

That said, I think I’ve always at the back of my mind waited for the day that mystery man will leave.  Despite trying to be in the moment, I know that I’ve guarded myself for this situation.  No matter how intertwined our lives got and despite the nice things that he does for me, I never got the sense that he loved whole heartedly.  Just the little things such as dating apps on his phone, his flirtatious behaviour with other girls, and mainly the things that he didn’t do.  He never said he loved me, never bought me flowers and the lack of romantic gestures.

So, was I really happy?  Well, I definitely allowed myself to enjoy the moments and I allowed myself to think about a stable future with him.  I wanted this so bad that I definitely furthered things along and acted like everything was perfect when it wasn’t.  I encouraged him to spend more and more time at my place, I convinced him to go on vacation with me, and it was my idea to get the puppies.  I created this facade that even my closest friends bought into.  They thought we were so good together, even the ones that knew about our rocky past.  I figured every couple had their challenges and this was ours.



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