Yeah, I can see why some of you reading this may just wonder why I don’t just leave mystery man, start a new chapter in life, explore my sexuality and find someone that fully appreciates me. And while that has crossed my mind, you have to understand that what I write in my blog posts are about my problems. I don’t typically write about some of the really good (although vanilla) sexual experiences that I’ve had with mystery man. Nobody wants to hear about that one time where I had amazing sex in missionary position. I haven’t mentioned that he is the closest thing that I’ve ever experienced to what I consider an ideal relationship.
It’s been about 4 years since someone whom I really cared about has considered me to be their girlfriend. Some of my good friends actually really like mystery man and mystery man has been the only man that I’ve been with who has thrown me a surprise birthday party. Mystery man practically lives with me, and I really like coming home to him. He is a great partner and helps me do my laundry, wash dishes and take out the trash. The one thing that makes me love mystery man so much is that when it comes down to important things, he really is responsible and has his shit together. This is something that I find that is rare to come by these days. I don’t need to tell him that he needs to pay his credit card bills on time, in fact, he tells me how to be fiscally responsible. I don’t need to tell him what to eat to be healthy, he already knows. And most importantly, it’s not a big deal that he is well put together, and he doesn’t need to be anal about it. He makes it all look easy.
I really like it when a guy has his shit together. It means that I don’t have to worry about my shit and his shit. Being with mystery man makes me feel like I don’t have to worry. If it is rainy, he will bring an umbrella. I can turn my brain off and really just enjoy being silly. When I am with mystery man, I feel like I am winning in life. We just see eye to eye on so many things. He is always thinking about how to improve things, and when I come home from work complaining about corporate inefficiencies, he really gets it and he isn’t just lending his ear to be nice.
Unfortunately, these are not the kind of things that make dicks hard or vaginas wet, but I am a strong believer that common values are what makes for a long lasting and strong relationship ultimately.
So yeah, it hurts that we don’t seem to have it all sorted out in the passion, sex and romance department, but wouldn’t it be worthwhile, if we both agreed to work on this one thing that seems to be missing from what is an otherwise really good relationship? I mean, in a life long marriage it isn’t reasonable to expect or believe that a couple would be madly in love with each other the entire time. There are definitely rough patches, and lulls where the passion just isn’t as strong. Isn’t it effort that keeps these relationships together and help rebuild this passion?
And yes, it would be easier for me to just find someone else with a fiery passion for me, but how long until that fire weakens? And when the passion cools down, it is that skeleton of a relationship, those similar core values, which will be the basis of deciding whether or not it is worth fighting for in the long haul.
It’s not easy to find someone with similar core values, and I think deep down mystery man knows that too. So, I think I have my stance all figured out, but clearly mystery man does not. I also don’t think that I am in any position to advise him on it. I don’t want to coerce him or convince him to be with me, no, he has to come to this decision on his own.