Mystery man and I are still going strong with each other. He makes a point to see me during the week, and he does things like pre-download movies and asks me when I’m back from my business trips. Hanging out with the other people in our mutual group of friends is secondary now. Not to say that they aren’t part of our lives, they are, but I think we have a better idea of where our priorities are.
Our mutual group of friends are fun, but we don’t have a lot of history with them and at least for me, I don’ think that the bond that we have is tight enough for it to be a long-term friendship connection. Most of the friendships in this group is superficial, but nevertheless it is still fun to hang out in a large group with people who want to do things that you want to do.
Mystery man’s connection with this group has also weakened. He seemed really close to this one girl in the group and for me that caused a lot of jealousy. I found them to be touchy and just overly intimate in front of me, which was uncomfortable to say the least. I have spoken to him about this, but not in a way to tell him to stop but just so that he is aware of how I felt.
I think it was partly my insecurity and partly because he is just not aware of how his actions may impact me. I tried very hard to just let it go, especially since she has a boyfriend and I did notice that she is flirty towards guys that she likes, even when it is just a platonic kind of relationship.
I’ve not held anything against her, despite feeling that she is way too flirty towards mystery man in front of me. It is clear that mystery man and I are dating and I think that the respectful thing for her to do is to just be more conscientious about her actions. Anyway, I am self conscious about this feeling of jealousy and so I make it a point to convey that I do like her as a friend. I try not to let the jealousy impact my relationship with her.
She does not seem to like me however. I can tell as she is quite passive aggressive about taking a stance against me and siding with those who have a different view than I do. I just recently noticed this and I do think that part of it is because she has this idea that I am a spoiled and entitled princess, though the other part of it I think is because she believes that I’m not a good influence on mystery man.
It makes sense. Despite her having a boyfriend, mystery man would drive her around and took care of her and made sure that she was alright when she got drunk at parties. And the closer that mystery man and I got together, the more he puts me ahead of all of that. We come and go to social events together now, and while he talks to her, it is clear that he has changed because of me. This is his choice and it is nothing that I’ve asked of him, but obviously she does not see it that way.
I am typically a person that tries to please people and tries to get them to like me, but I am mature enough to say now that I just don’t need this. She is someone in our mutual group of friends that I just don’t have a lot of respect for and so I don’t care if she likes me or not at this point. I’ve been friendly with her. I offer her drives, buy her drinks and I try to bond with her, but it’s really not all that important to me whether she is into me or not.
One clear example of this recently was when mystery man picked her up to come workout with the rest of us. I show up to the workout session with my cousin, kind of knowing that mystery man was going to want to catch up with her. At the end of the night, mystery man offers to drive my cousin and I home. The girl wanted to stay and get more drinks. He told her that he is done for the night but that she could go get a drink with the others if she’d like. She made a big stink out of the whole situation, pulled him aside and guilted him into staying with her.
I would never want mystery man to be the guy in the middle being pulled both ways . This is why I am not going to nag him until he came with me instead. I am capable and I got myself home because I was tired.
It is no longer their seemingly flirty behaviour that bothers me. It is her passive aggressiveness towards me . And honesly, I don’t even care, but I do care about mystery man. I don’t want him to be in a predicament if I started complaining about her and now he might feel like he has to take sides.
When mystery man said to me that he wants to spend less time with this group of mutual friends, I didn’t know why but I think now that is his way of taking my side. I think he doesn’t like what these people say about me. One person being this girl, and the other person being the guy who used to like me, or rather, still does and constantly makes snide remarks.