Cold Feet

Mystery man is getting cold feet and messages me today to tell me that he won’t be able to make it to the out-of-town wedding that we were planning to go to together.  This wedding is a huge thing for me and I’ve been planning for weeks on how to consolidate my travel points to get the best value.  Since he has agreed to go, I’ve been looking forward to this trip.  I feel so let down and angry that he would back out like that, because I even put him on my RSVP.  This was really important to me, and had he said that he was not coming to begin I wouldn’t have got my hopes up.

Our discussion this weekend about where things were going, I thought that it was just his way of verbalizing what he was thinking.  I figured that nothing has really changed and that he was simply voicing what I already knew to be true – that he doesn’t think that the relationship would work out because he sees hardships ahead and has concerns about being able to work that out.  I wasn’t surprised about what he was saying to me, but I was a little surprised that he brought it up.  Thing were going really well, and so now I think that he’s having cold feet because it is going so well and that scares the shit out of him.

He’s getting cold feet with the relationship.  The relationship is fairly new and he doesn’t know where we will be in 2 months and it would be terrible to have booked flight and hotel reservations if we’ve split up by then- I get it, but it doesn’t make me any less disappointed.

It is not my job to help him make up his mind about whether he wants the relationship or not.  I know that, but we’ve still only been seeing each other for under a year so it’s still a new relationship.  It’s normal for guys to get cold feet, I’ve seen it happen and I’ve also seen guys come running back once they get their shit together – but I thought we already went through that in our short stint together.  I thought we were finally seeing where things can go, and it was going well.

I just give up.  As for the wedding, I asked him to reconsider his choice in not going.  I haven’t told him, but I won’t book my itinerary just yet.

I know he’s just trying to buy time to decide what he wants to do with me, and he thought that by being open about it with me that I would be more understanding if he were to choose to be serious with me, and in a way softening the blow.  I just can’t deal with this bullshit hot and cold behaviour anymore.

I’m going to do the same thing that I did when I had doubts about him after our cottage trip and what I call our “relationship checkpoint”.  I’m not going to do anything.  See, some might say that I should just actively call it off, but see, it’s still early in the relationship and yeah I know that commitment issues and having cold feet is normal in guys.  Last time I thought we were ending things, he came back to me and we had a great stretch since then and I wouldn’t throw that away.

We need to rebalance this relationship.  He needs to play a more active role and think about what he actually wants, while I need to play a more passive role and just see what happens.  I guess on the bright side, my job is easy.  And on top of that I’m actually proud of myself that I am able to recognize that.  Not too long ago, I would have a very irrational reaction to these types of situations.

 

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