Being More Serious

I saw mystery man after a long and hard work week and we spent the whole weekend trying not to think about work and trying to recover from our mental exhaustion.  Working a mentally exhausting job is wearing and I can tell that we are both playing with the idea of quitting our jobs.  Mystery man is a co-founder of his own tech company and they are working extra long hours while I am a travelling consultant, also working long hours.  We are both coming to the conclusion that what we are doing, while it is exciting and even though we love many aspects of our jobs, it is just not sustainable.  I get what he was trying to convey to me before.  He is not in a position to settle-down and have a family, and come to think of it, I am not either.

We are doing well with making time for each other, and he has been good with making time for me.  I love our long walks together, and he is really appreciating the little things.  We walked through a beautiful school campus where I used to study.  This is something that I have wanted to do with a significant other for years, yet none has taken the time to do that with me.  It was really special and meant a lot to me.  We ended the weekend, having spent a lot of time with each other and needing to refocus on other things but also dreading going back to work.

In order for this to progress, we need to eventually get to a point where we can give more of ourselves to each other.  I can’t make him change, but I can certainly think about myself and where I want to be.  Firstly, asking my cousin to move out was definitely the right choice and it will allow me more freedom to have friends over or my significant other over at my place during the week.  I need to take more steps like this to better my life.

I’m not yet ready to leave my job, but I think I need to be clear on why I am there.  I’ve accepted that I am not there to climb the corporate ladder, but to pick-up more useable skills and just learn from people.  I don’t see myself being there for more than 1-2 years and so I should not be so invested in the company, which is currently a major cause of stress for me.  A clearer understanding of why I am there would help me accept certain aspects of my job and be less stressed overall.

Another thing that I’ve recently become more serious about is saving money.  Since I’ve started making more money, I found that I thought less about money and more about the experiences.  This is especially true when it comes to leisurely travel.  I’d travel to Europe, Asia and not think about the expenses and most of the trips were either life changing or just so memorable.  And I think that is fine while I was in my 20’s but as I am approaching my 30’s, money is freedom and rather than blowing money on travelling alone, I want to save my money to travel with my significant other and to have the freedom to be able to leave my job if I wish.

I’m starting to pay closer attention to the stock market, investments, and even checking my pay stub for errors.  I’m starting to notice that I spend a lot of money on going out with and being generous with some group of friends that I just don’t see long-term potential with.  While I haven’t changed much of my spending habits, I am becoming more aware of my money situation.  I know that I will eventually have to leave my job and likely be without a steady stream of income, and I need to be ready for that, or maybe I may need to make a large investment that will require some capital.

I want to eventually be able to settle down and make more time for my significant other.  I want to be able to spend quality time together, and I think I need to make some changes to my life in order for me to get there.  I can’t expect to continue living in a financially irresponsible manner.

It’s all about making more time for me really, even though I talk about mystery man and our future together.  I think one of the reasons why I haven’t found someone to settle down with yet is because I’m just not ready to settle down yet.  I have to mentally be in the right state of mind.  I want to put myself first, and I want to workout and take care of my body and my mental state.  I want to be at peace with myself and hopefully when I am, mystery man and I will be able to find a way together.

I took some time off recently and I found myself thinking in a much different way than I thought when I was working.  I finally had time to think about what I wanted, to take care of myself, and to organize my financials and my apartment.  It is such a liberating feeling to be hands on and be able to do these things.  I want to find more of this inner peace, more often and hopefully with mystery man.

His recent change to spend more time together and our conversations and jokes about quitting our jobs to be hippies tell me that like me, he sees that there has to be another way.



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