Contingency Planning

I admit that I do a lot of contingency planning when it comes to mystery man.  Even though we’ve been together on and off for more than 6 months now, I couldn’t say that I could plan more than 3 months ahead with him in my life.  I have a wedding that I am going to, and that I am hoping to have him be my date but he hasn’t fully agreed to go yet and I feel stuck making contingency plans.

Aside from the wedding, I also think about what I would do if he left me all the time.  I think about my interaction with the group of mutual friends, whether I would want to continue that and I also think about how I would cope with it.  I am afraid of the relationship not working out.

The worse case being that he would leave me to be with someone else who he likes more.  That has always been a fear of mine.  I would have to stop talking to him, and likely stop coming out as often with the group of mutual friends.  I have a life outside of these mutual friends, and I do find myself trying hard to strengthen these bonds.  I think about my place as we spend a lot of time here.  I think I would further declutter and redecorate the place myself or just rent it out and have a fresh start elsewhere.  I would definitely use new sheets.  Actually, I already have a brand new set of sheets that I would open if we were to break-up.  It’s like my skinny pants, the pair of pants that I would wear should the day come where I fit it – but that actually doesn’t sound too bad.

I know what this means.  It means that I don’t have faith that our relationship would last.  But maybe it doesn’t help that I can’t picture us being together because I’m too overly concerned about the relationship not working out.  So laying it all out, here is roughly how  it can go down:

  1. Best case scenario – we continue to get to know each other and he slowly grows closer to me and mentally embraces the idea of being with me.  I retain my interest in him, and as we grow closer, we realize that we really like each other and that we both want to be together for the long haul.  We realize that we are actually really compatible and we would be hard-pressed to find another significant other that could complement each other the way that we do.  We make each other’s lives better and can support each other.  We decide to move in together, life is sweet, and we get married.
  2. Most likely scenario – he continues to become engrossed in his work and isn’t able to prioritize certain important aspects of the relationship, nor does he want to.  He continues to be non-committal because he is afraid that there may be someone else out there that is a better match for him.  I become fed up with his attitude, and his unwillingness to really be with me.  He sees that I am fed up and decides that he is not the best match for me.  One of us decides to call it quits, and we don’t get back together because there are no third chances.
  3. Worse case scenario – we continue to be together in a comfortable yet complacent manner.  Neither one of us brings up conversation about where things might be going.  He meets someone else that he is more excited about and he leaves me for her.  I’m heartbroken because I question why I couldn’t be this girl for him.  I feel like I wasted my time with him and made a poor judgement call on being with him for so long.  His relationship with the other girl is much better than our relationship ever was and he marries her.

I’ve been in a long-term relationship where we both really cared for each other, but because he was not able to prioritize his work life, I had to break-up with him.  I also felt that he was incapable of taking care of me, and being someone that I could rely on.  I think back to this because I am scared that I may be going down the same path with mystery man.  I don’t want that because I left this other guy for this reason and that was almost 5 years ago.

The reason why I am holding on to this relationship with mystery man is because I do feel that he is trying, and he does know that in order to be with me, he has to make time to be with me.  He is not an oblivious to this, nor is he incapable of taking care of me.  Now whether he can prioritize is a different story.  There is no doubt that at this point in time, his career takes precedence over his love interests but he must realize that a life of career achievements alone is not as fulfilling as he thinks.

Am I asking for too much?  A man that knows when to prioritize me, while having career ambitions?


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