I question sometimes whether mystery man is with me because he is comfortable and complacent or whether he really likes me in that special way. There is no doubt that he cares about me, and that he sees us as being more than just friends. Even as the group of mutual friends weaken, he continues to put effort into getting to know me and doing things with me. I see change and growth in his attitude towards me, but even so, I admit that it falls short of my expectations and that makes it hard for me.
I still see this hard side of him that is like an impenetrable shell. I understand that it is difficult for him too, and while I have been patient, a part of me sees him as being selfish – but it is it selfishness or is just not understanding and having enough emotional intelligence? Or am I just making excuses for him?
So it’s a Tuesday, and typically I usually leave him alone in the beginning of the week because I’ve had enough of him during the weekdays. The beginning of the week is usually our time to centre ourselves, however this week I took some time off work. We exchanged a few messages with each other. I said that I wanted to bring up my old computer to his work place, but I was still cleaning. He seemed like he wanted me to bring it, and I had a bunch of other office supplies that he was interested in as well so I packed it all up and went up to his office. I intended to stay over at his place, but was also okay with heading back home. He asked if I was staying and I said yes. I guess he didn’t expect me to stay over and he was planning to get in some time to himself, but really it was one night and I rarely ever stay over at his place. I just didn’t feel like he was very accommodating, it’s like he’s has become overly comfortable with me now. He was also really tired.
By the time we got to bed, I just didn’t feel that he wanted me there so I ended up sleeping on the far side while he slept on the other side of the bed. In the morning he didn’t want to do anything sexual or even kiss for that matter. I guess I made a bad judgement call on staying over, but I feel like I got to know him more. He’s like me, he needs time to himself, I don’t think that’s selfish, but it does bother me that he isn’t able to put that aside for me. I guess men are kind of a one track mind like that. I really shouldn’t use it against him, and it really is my own insecurities about the relationship.
He does have a one-track mind. He was so engrossed in his work, this always seems to be an obstacle with him. All I can do is leave him be and I now know how to cope with this in a better way. I just give him his space and know that he will come to me when he has the time. That said, I do sometimes question whether he makes my life better. I just wish he was more considerate, and shows more care and effort in taking care of me. Sure, I don’t need to be taken care of and I wouldn’t want to give him the stress of thinking that he has to take care of me, but it does make me feel good if he showed more of that side of him.