As the Relationship Gets Better, The Sex Gets Worse

Couch crasher cousin has agreed to leave by summer and I’m looking forward to getting the space back.  The plan is to clean out as much as possible in the meantime, really get rid of all the junk that has accumulated for the past 5 years.  I’m looking forward to decluttering and making space in my life.  I’m hoping that this move is going to be one step forward for mystery man and I.  Once the couch crasher cousin moves out, I’m hoping that he and I could redecorate my place as a project.  So one idea is that he will partly move in with me and spend more time during the weekdays over at my place, if the relationship progresses in that way.  He already spends every weekend with me at my place, so I think it could be a natural progression.

I think that he has just been taking this relationship one day at a time, and so far that one day at a time has generally been going good for him.  I really don’t think he has the capacity to have much long-term foresight, but he does seem smitten.  Most recently he went on a bit of a search for chocolate cake for me, took me shopping, and he agreed to meet my friends and even dressed up to impress them.  He talks about spending less time with the circle of friends, aka “the cult”.

As the relationship gets better, it seems like the sex is getting worse however.  He no longer gets off on vaginal sex, and always seems to want a blowjob/handjob combination to finish.  He prefers the blowjob/handjob combination to vaginal sex and I find it very odd.  He doesn’t like the sensation of me being on top and he says it’s because I feel too tight, which is probably not a new thing it’s just that he never said it before.  I have a theory as to why the sex is going downhill, and I think it’s because he has deeper feelings for me.  He’s used to fucking, and now he wants to make love and it’s confusing for him.  The other part of it is probably being too used to masturbating by hand to porn.  This “too tight” feeling is probably due to not enough lubrication, although he isn’t sure about that theory.

So now we’re resorting to getting each other off with our hands, I feel like this is a bit of a step backwards.  He’s still generally reluctant to perform oral sex, but he gets me off with his hand or allows me to be on top.

I think I blogged about not being able to get off during sex before.  So the new revelation that I have is that I can get off during sex, it’s just not as good so I never fully registered it as being a real orgasm.  Orgasms from sex is very different, and can have a variety of sensations.  It’s a release, but for me it is not a full release and sometimes I quiver and shake.  It’s just generally a different sensation than orgasms from masturbation where I have more control and can build myself up to a bigger release.  I’ve embraced this now and I’d say that I have an orgasm maybe 25% of the time, as compared to maybe 10% of the time before although it’s hard to tell as I never fully registered these different orgasms before.

I still think that we’re both at a stage where we are still finding ourselves sexually, and maybe this phase will pass, although he does seem quite content with the blowjobs and handjobs.  For now, I am fully enjoying the journey that we are finding ourselves in as we continue to get to know each other better.

That said, I admit that I find myself ensuring that I am not too overly optimistic about it.  I feel scarred from our fall out a few months back because just as I thought we were getting close, it was like he turned his back on me.  I’m building a contingent and alternate path for myself as well.

If things don’t work out, I am prepared to go to an upcoming wedding by myself, and rather than re-decorate my place to share with him, one idea is just to rent the place and move out, get a fresh start.  I think about things that I would do, should the relationship not work out.  I’d probably try online dating again, and refocus on sports teams and being fit.  And I find myself building this contingency plan because I don’t want to fall as hard as I did last time.  I felt that I had nothing and I relied heavily on my friends and family to give me confidence to make it day by day.

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