Kicking Out a Couch Crasher

It’s been a year since my cousin has been crashing on my couch and I am reaching my breaking point with this living arrangement.  She’s a great person, and she’s taught me a lot.  I never thought I would have a roommate but I guess she’s the closest thing to that.  I just need my own space, but it’s rather difficult because she can’t afford to live anywhere other than her parent’s place.  It’s also a rather difficult situation because she is family.

I just can’t have her on my couch in the middle of my living room and I’m getting annoyed when I come home to see her and her boyfriend (which I introduced her to) watching TV on my couch.  I can’t even feel free at my own place.  This arrangement has on more than one occasion impacted my dating life too.  Arranging a time and place to have casual sex with the Greek guy when we had a fling was difficult.  Even though mystery man and I aren’t exactly serious, her being on my couch means that we have to plan around this.  He only comes over on weekends, when she’s not around and sometimes I have to ask her to stay at her boyfriend’s place if we’re having a special night out.

So, I’ve given this some thought.  What I really want is to move in with mystery man.  This is my plan A.  I’m just going to admit that.  I can see myself living with him as we’ve spent a lot of time together and it already feels like we’re living together on weekends.  If my significant other moves in with me it would be understandable that my cousin would have to move out.  This would be my perfect situation.  However… he’s not quite there yet and logistically it’s actually better for him to be uptown and for me to be downtown.

A compromise to plan A is that I tell my cousin that mystery man will be moving in with me, even though he isn’t really fully moving in.  This is plan B.  This makes me a bad person because I’m kind of lying to my cousin because he wouldn’t fully be moving in, but it would probably be more of an extension of our current weekend living situation.  He would still keep his own place, but that’s a minor detail, right?  Maybe he’ll reconsider renewing when his lease is up.

See, plan B isn’t too bad if eventually mystery man and I do move in together, but I don’t have that much faith in our relationship.  I’ve known mystery man for about 9 months now, and we’ve been dating on and off.  Him not being at the same place mentally as I am is another thing that has been on my mind.  I’m not sure if things will work out.  If I had to place a bet on whether our relationship would work, I would put my money on it not working.  Even though things are progressing, and everyday I get a sense that he is growing closer to me, it seems like we are still at different places in the relationship.  I can see that he is trying and he is putting more effort into spending time with me, getting to know me and asking those types of questions, being a little more open about our relationship in front of our friends and his own family, prioritizing me.  On the other hand, I am trying to give him his space to choose to spend time with me, not incessantly message him all day and being understanding and realistic about how much time he can spend with me.  Part of me wants to just ask him whether he is serious about me and where he sees this going, but the other part of me already knows the answer.  He still isn’t sure whether this is right for him, but he is trying to meet me in the middle.  That’s fair if we’re both trying to make it work, right?  Finding a balance of how much time we spend together is a challenge for many couples I’m sure.

I’ve been living in my condo for 5 years now and that is a long time for someone in their 20s.  Plan C is to rent out my comfortable condo and accept a change in scenery.  If I move to another place, especially one that is slightly smaller, it would be understandable that my cousin would not be moving with me.  I like this plan because as I think more about it, I get excited about the change.  This would be an opportunity to decorate the place how I want, get rid of a lot of junk that I don’t need at my current place, and really clear the mind.

My current place reminds me a lot of my many relationships that did not work out.  I split with my long-term ex-boyfriend when I first moved in and actually one of our major disagreements was the purchase of my condo.  Then came a string of guys one after the other that just didn’t work out.  What disappoints me is that I can’t say that I’ve had a boyfriend since I broke up with this ex-boyfriend.  None of my relationships have gone that far yet for some reason or another.  Even now, mystery man and I aren’t official and it makes me disappointed.  If I move out, it would be a new start for me.  Sometimes I think that I just need a new start.  I think about breaking it off with mystery man because it’s just not what I want.  I want more for myself, and maybe a fresh start could also mean meeting new people and re-entering the dating scene.

So plan D is kind of the obvious answer that some friends have advised me on, which is just to ask my cousin to move out.  It’s not that easy because we’re family, and she really has nowhere to go except back to her parents.  Yeah, I feel like she’s mooching off me and is becoming complacent about it but that’s not for me to say.  Although I’ve hinted at the fact that she cannot continue doing what she is doing, I already know that her exit plan is to wait for her mother to buy her her own place.  I can’t really respect that given that I work hard for the money that I earn and for my independence and it just annoys me even more.  I can’t wait for her exit plan to pan out, and so I’ve told her that I plan to move out so that she can prepare to stop living with me in the near future.




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