I had a dream that I was with mystery man in a car, but there was another girl that joined and she got into the car and took up two seats so I had to exit the car and try to go around to fit in the seat behind the driver. As I got out of the car to move around to the other seat, mystery man starts to drive off, as a joke but as he sped up a police officer pulls him over. I was pissed that he would pretend to drive off, and I’m also pissed that this other girl in the car has taken over two seats and I’m jealous because that makes her the main girl. Even still, I go talk to the police officer and I try to convince him that it wasn’t mystery man’s fault that he sped up. I made up some lie about how there was something stuck underneath his gas pedal and that it was released, which resulted in the sudden acceleration.
It was just a dream, but it was significant. I think how you feel in dreams is usually more important than what is happening. I felt threatened and jealous by this other girl, and I felt that he valued her more than he did me. I’m angry at the situation, but yet I still defend him when he needs me.
I’ve never been a jealous or insecure person, but mystery man just brings that out in me. I noticed that he hasn’t flirted with other girls in front of me recently, and I’m not sure whether that is a conscious decision or not, but I still cannot stop speculating shit. I notice stuff like when he has an opened bottle of wine at his place, when he has an odd number of condoms, when he goes through a new pack of condoms too quickly. I also freaked out when he said that he was going to bring a female friend whom I don’t know to dinner with the mutual friends because I begin to think whether they are dating. If he’s going out on a weeknight and I don’t know who he is with, or I think he is with a female friend, I start to speculate too. The reason is because I’ve stereotyped him to be a man-whore. I don’t think he has any self-control and if they are attractive and are willing, I think he’d go for it.
We’re not together, and according to him, we aren’t even dating really, so really it’s none of my business. It isn’t my business, but I have feelings for him clearly, so it makes me feel bad anyway. I would be surprised if during the duration of us being together that he has been completely loyal and monogamous with me.
I talked about keeping the balance in my previous posts, and I am actually so relieved that baseball guy is still in my life, despite me trying to cut him out. I don’t see mystery man changing his mind and wanting to be with me in a serious way. I really wish that I could like baseball guy. I trust baseball guy, unlike mystery man. Even if mystery man decides that he wants to be with me seriously, I just don’t know if I could trust him.
I think that if he could, he would be juggling multiple different girls. And even if that’s not the case, that’s kind of how I see him at the moment and it would be difficult for me to change that. This reason alone should be good enough for me to decide that I should not be with mystery man.