I spent new years eve with the baseball guy and his friends on a ski trip. He really took care of me and gave me a lot of attention during the entire trip. I really enjoyed spending time with him. We acted like a couple the whole time. I felt content but worried as the weekend ended. I thought about the implications if things didn’t work out since we are coworkers. I also thought about mystery man and how my interactions with him might change. On the way back from trip, baseball guy asked if we could officially be together. I said that while I like him, things have been moving quickly, and especially so since we were off during the holidays and because we spent so much time together during the ski trip. While it’s true, I’m not sure about him, I’m also hung up on mystery man.
Mystery man has shown genuine actions to try to mend our relationship. He doesn’t want to be together, but he also doesn’t want to lose me from his life. Prior to the trip, he helped me cook dinner for friends. New years eve weekend, he called me (upon my request) while I was away. Our relationship is not platonic, but more like friends with benefits.
Coming back from the trip, mystery man and I agreed to hang out together. I feel like I’m juggling both guys but I knew that mystery man’s circumstances had not changed and so I should stop engaging in sexual activities with him. I wanted confirmation that I was making the right decision.
Upon coming over, he took control of the evening plans to include his own errands. I joked about it and was slightly annoyed, but we actually had fun doing it together. I was also unimpressed by an opened bottle of expensive wine that he clearly shared with another lady friend, and his uneven number of condoms. We worked out and my plan was to go home after. He suggested that I stayed over but he didn’t insist. I was sure that I was going to go home, but at the end of the night, I helped him cook. It was getting late and I justified staying over because baseball guy and I aren’t yet official so I can do what I want.
So I spent the night with mystery man and we talked a lot. I said that I knew that his circumstances has not changed and he confirmed that was the case and said that he doesn’t want a relationship and know that things won’t work out because he doesn’t want anything serious. He asked if I resented him and I was open about how he made me feel insecure with all of his flirting. He said he could understand that would be hard. Later on I suggested that we see other people and how he would feel about it if I saw someone else. He hesitated but said he’d be okay with it. I think he hesitated because he thought it was a trick question. I said I wouldn’t want him to be tilted by it. I think that I was relieved to get his approval. In some ways I think he just wants me single to continue our usual situation.
We did not have sex, but rather, we chatted a lot and I think he enjoyed it. We barely slept. I couldn’t sleep. Part of me wanted to leave and was thinking that I should be with baseball guy, but I admit that it was nice. There was some cuddling, and a little bit of petting and kissing in the morning. I enjoyed it and I’m happy to hear that he would be okay with me moving on.
I think that I am coming on quite strongly to mystery man because I feel that my time with him is limited. I want to give baseball guy a chance, which will mean that things with mystery man has to stop. It also has to stop because things are not going to work out. We jump back into the same routine because it’s easy. I don’t think that he realizes that’s the reason why and just thinks that I’m a bit much.
I know what I need to do. I know that mystery man and I need to be purely platonic, and our dynamic will change as a result and I have to be okay with that. I need to put myself first and that means giving baseball guy a fair chance.