I hooked up with mystery man after we broke up. It started as a drunken affair, and then since he offered to help me cook a Christmas dinner the next day anyway he just stayed. Then since there was a snow storm in the evening, he stayed another night. He jokes that I initiated, but really it takes two to tango. We had some really hot make-up sex.
Post-coitus, I’m feeling fine. I now understand the balance that we have. I also realize that my connection to him is very much physical. In hanging out with him all day, I just can’t see that he could be an engaging life partner. He’s kind of boring to converse with actually, which is why our conversations are quite one-sided and I feel like I’m saying and sharing so much when we are together.
We are really just friends with benefits, and he seems to be content with that. We enjoy each other’s company, and being in each other’s presence. He is actually okay when I demand stuff from him it seems. For example, I demanded that he come help me make dinner and he was okay with that. I asked him to buy me a Christmas gift, and he’s warming up to that. I asked him to call me, and he’s also warming up to that too even though he was initially really opposed. And if he doesn’t give into my demands, I’m okay with that too. My expectations with him are lower now.
It’s not like we see each other as sex objects. We do genuinely care about each other, however he’s not interested in vesting in a relationship with anyone at this point. And therefore, I can understand that is not something that I can push for from him. I may be able to push for small things like him fixing up my place, but not for him to chance his stance on something like this.
I still see his interests in the other girl in the social group. He comes out to things just to hang out with her, and he will go out of his way to invite her. She’s not so responsive to him, however and just enjoys the attention. I also see him chatting up other girls whom he thinks he has a chance with. I just have to accept this about him. I’m not here to change him, just to accept him for who he is. He will never be that ideal boyfriend, nor does he want to be.
Baseball guy is also really helping me keep things in check. He’s the sweetest guy, and I’m really looking forward to the ski trip. He treats me right, and he’s boyfriend material. Just having him in the picture gives me perspective. There is someone out there willing to buy me flowers, call me, initiate activities with me. I’m still not completely sure about him yet so I will be taking things slow, and holding out on sex with him. I’m going to continue taking my time scoping out baseball guy.
I’ve told mystery man that I won’t be around until after new years. I told him that I’ll be really busy travelling in the beginning of the year, and I told him that I have other priorities in life right now (career). I don’t want him to feel pressured and feel the need to have to pull-back. If anything, I’m pulling back from him, and it’s not a game. I’m just accepting the balance of it all, and will need to continue to remember that I need to keep this in check at all times.
I know immediately after, I’m quite clear about it all, but I do know how a physical connection can easily blur these things, so I’ll have to self-correct. Things are good right now, I’m in a good mental place, so I’ll just roll with it.