Mystery Man Plot Twist

I was frazzled as I ranted to my cousin about mystery man.  I was convinced he was in love with this other girl, and he’s starting to withdraw from me.  The rant helped a little, but it did not prepare me for last night.  He didn’t call me and he shows up at the party with a +1, another girl who is acting like his girlfriend!  He introduces her as his friend, but they continue to flirt all night.  I think people knew that I was upset (not sure), but I was putting on my best act not to show it.

Nearing the end of the night, the girl hints to mystery man that she’d like to leave, they put on their jackets and as I was trying to get in a moment with mystery man I asked him for a ride home.  He was being distant to me all night and I figure well, at least I’ll get a ride home.  Luckily, she lived closeby so he dropped her off first and we ended back at my place.  I was so relieved that we would have a chance to talk.  I was mentally convinced at this point that I needed to end things if he isn’t able give me a reason not to end it.

I ask if he was dating the friend.  He said no, it was just a university friend.  I told him that it’s super disrespectful to me to have him bring someone that was flirting with him the whole night.  He said he didn’t realize that they were flirting and reiterated that they were just friends and said that he’s sorry and didn’t mean to disrespect me.  He always knows what to say.

At this point, I knew I was too unfulfilled by this relationship and he was still avoiding me.  I bring up “the talk”, actually as a way to just end things and not hoping to savage it.  It worked.  It was the most civil and real conversation that we’ve ever had.  He said it’s difficult for him because he’s working so hard, will be travelling a lot, and he doesn’t want to string me along.  He told me a little bit about his life worries, having to support his parents who are retired, and the uncertainty of his start-up.  It gave me a real glimpse into his life, but at the same time I still translated much of this to the fact that he doesn’t really like me in a serious way.  I asked him what we should do and he said that we should probably stop sleeping with each other.  I agreed, and said that I was sad about it.  He apologized and admitted that he likes me and that he was sad and sorry about it too.

All this talk happened in bed.  I made some jokes, and it was a very calm and well thought through conversation.  This was probably the best break-up conversation I’ve ever had.  He told me that he was intentionally closed with me because he didn’t want me to grow too attached to me.  He said I could find better – I agreed.

He hugged me and kissed me and we snuggled all night knowing that this would be our last night sleeping together.  It was bittersweet.  I knew it was the right thing to do.  I had restless sleep all night and woke up multiple times just thinking and trying to soak in the moment of us being in bed together.  In the morning, I was a little mad at him.  Why did he have to initiate with me when he knew we shared common friends and he wasn’t looking for anything serious?  Was he thinking about what he was doing or was he just thinking with his dick?  Probably the latter, but I start to question my own self though I know I shouldn’t.

We fondled each other in the morning and again, it was bittersweet.  I probably shouldn’t have, but hell, we’re in bed together already.  He admitted he was sad, and joked that we could still hook-up.  I said absolutely not!

In all fairness, he’s the only one that I would stay friends with, we have a fondness for each other.  That, or we’re so a like in the way that we are able to separate our feelings for each other.  I admit I was a little wrong about him loving this other girl – he is simply a flirt and not emotionally available.  He may be more open with her than with me because he felt he had to distance himself from me and not grow too attached.  I get it now and I’m so glad we had this very adult chat.  I have closure.

We only saw each other for 3 months, but I am incredibly sad.  I do wish, and even prayed last night that he changes his mind.  I’ve never been in a situation like this before where we ended on such amicable terms, both saying that we like each other.  I feel like it could be a situation that could change.  I know it seems unlikely, but I wished that we could be together, really give it a shot by being open with each other.  I know it’s not just the work excuse.  It’s the fact that he’s not yet ready to have a serious relationship.  I liked that he admitted that he didn’t do much for me, and I concurred.  There was not as much courting as I had hoped for.

A big part of me wishes that he realizes after spending some time apart that he made a mistake and that he could try harder to put in more effort… but of course I have enough experience already to know that this won’t happen.  A man first needs to be satisfied with his life achievements before he can think about settling down.  There was no way that he built enough of a connection with me to love me.  He proactively avoided that like the plague.  It wasn’t my fault.

I told him that I’m going to take some time away from our mutual friends, because it would be good for us to spend some time apart.  He clearly doesn’t think he needs this time apart or feels guilty about making me sad so he’s trying hard to convince me to come along.  I just can’t.  I’m not an emotional mess and actually I think I can handle it but I’ll just get in some me time.  Also, part of me wants him to miss me and to think about it, if not to change his mind then to have him feel something, anything.

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