I’m falling for mystery man, but I’m not going to let that blind me from his flaws. In fact, I need to realize his downfalls and ask myself whether I am willing to accept them or not. It is too easy at the beginning of a relationship to oversee these things, that will likely not change very much and could be the cause of built-up resentment later on. One could say that this is me being jaded in love, but maybe it’s me being more experienced. Besides, the love that mystery man and I have is a very practical kind of love. I’ve never been in a more practical relationship than this, and it is just completely the opposite of the ones that I typically seek.
The reasons why we like each other are clear. His attraction to me is primarily physical, but he also sees that I have much in common with him. We are both ambitious in our careers, are analytical, logically driven and we have very similar upbringings and values. I also like to think that he likes my humour, charm and appreciation for the more feminine side of things. My attraction to him is his emotional stability, which I see through his emotional reservation and funny enough is also my complaint about him. I like that he is capable, can take charge, and his attentiveness towards me. My attraction towards him has grown as he shows his interest in me, and of course as our physical relationship developed.
Our love is a practical kind of love, sparked by physical attraction but convenience also has a big factor in it. We are both part of the same group of friends, so it makes things convenient to hang out with friends and each other at the same time. My place downtown gives him a reason to come over, but it is also convenient for him to be downtown during the weekends since all of our friends are downtown. I also like to have him around for companionship and fixing things. We split cab rides, and so it’s also economically practical.
All of these things make it easy for us to be together, however I find myself looking for him to be putting in this extra effort and not just crashing at my place on weekends. He has been good, although I do notice that as life gets busier and he gets more comfortable, the decline in effort has me worried that this is what the relationship might amount to, and I want more than that. I want to be understanding, supportive and non-clingy, but I struggle to find this balance and be able to ask what I want and need from a significant other. I find myself consciously making mental notes and reminding myself that I, too am busy and should re-focus on myself when his life is hectic. I find myself asking whether I’ve taken care of myself first by pampering myself, cleaning my place and exercising. I find it hard to find this balance of how often I see him as it is the case where I see him a whole lot during the weekend and then he’s kind of not around during weekdays. In all fairness this is a phase where we are just adjusting to each other, and so I plan to be supportive but also vocal about spending quality time together. I feel that he can be flexible, but as for the balance I think he is a bit more laid back in this respect but I think is a workable issue.
The main problem that I have with him is that there always seems to be some other girl that has his attention, which makes me jealous. I’ve never been this way before with anyone else that I’ve been with, it’s just his flirtatious nature. I think that this is something that would not really change. Right now, especially since we haven’t established that we are together, I just ignore it and re-focus on developing my own relationships with other friends. This reason alone makes me doubt whether I want to continue with the relationship.
I will continue to evaluate this relationship and how it makes me feel, and whether I think it makes me feel like being together with him makes me a better person or not. I do feel proud of myself to be able to admit this insecurity about where this is going. But I also need time to think about where I want this relationship to go. I think I need to have an envisioned path of who I want to be with him.