I wasn’t sure whether I should have “the talk” with mystery man, so I consulted the few that knew about my situation and they were encouraging, but with many relationship things I feel like sometimes the support of others is good but may not always be the best advice. I turned to the consultation of the internet instead. I found this article, and usually I don’t link to articles on my personal blog, but this is one that I’d like to safe-keep for myself. Written by Terry Trespicio, she makes an excellent point that there is no need to rush the relationship and that the beginning part of the relationship is usually the most exciting. Often times, couples refer back to the dating phase of their relationship as the best part, so I should really be savouring these moments! Even I’m not completely sure whether I want to cement a hard label on the relationship yet. Everything is going well, and these feelings of insecurity that I have about the relationship is normal and what makes the start of a relationship so exciting. And if I have these feelings then I’m sure he does too, and I do wish for him to also feel this excitement without the fear of having to predetermine where this could possibly go.
My hesitations stem from a few dating experiences that I’ve had, namely the traveller and the socks jock. I dated the traveller for nearly a year, and the whole time he kept a certain distance from me, seeing me no more than once every 1-2 weeks. Our interactions in the beginning had a romantic flair but the underlying theme was really built on our sexual bond. When I finally brought up “the talk” around the one year mark, it completely broke down what we had. I cornered him into giving an answer and he was terrified. It was a casual fling that lasted way longer then it should have, and I should have opened myself up to seeing others sooner. Then, dating the socks jock for about a year, I thought that it could be different. We had a relationship built on sharing many similar views and having a similar personality, and charging forth with ideas that weren’t really grounded or thought through. It was fun and incredibly spontaneous, but he never gave me the girlfriend label and it made me feel very insecure about it. He would tell me that he’s never met anyone like me before and that I was his soulmate, but at the same time there were so many indirect signals that he was absolutely not ready for a serious relationship including the fact that he was seven years younger than me.
I don’t have these types of hesitations with mystery man, and it seems that he is opening up more and more with me. He actions really do speak louder than his words and that is sometimes difficult for me, but I am learning more about his style. He shows that he loves me by spending time with me, helping me fix things, giving me life advice. He is not a wordy type of man, and his messages are direct and to-the-point. Looking at our chat history, there is very little indication of our relationship on there at all. He also looks for the same from me, and I can tell that he appreciates my loving actions such as when I initiate coming to his place for dumb reasons just to spend time with him and when I cook for him.
I’m not willing to break this new relationship with “the talk”, and it is rather exciting to keep the other guessing just a little bit in the beginning. I think I can appreciate that, having been in a long relationship that seemed to get more dull nearing the end and then reminiscing about the amazing things we did in the beginning. Sometimes actions just speak louder than words.