Re-Affirmation

I’m so insecure about this new relationship, but in fact it’s actually going quite well.  I’ve been on my period and I found that the lack of sexual activities helped me reaffirm his interest in me.  

We spent the weekend together starting off with watching some Netflix, and ended off with going to brunch and for a really nice walk.  See, I wasn’t sure about it because it didn’t feel like dating but it has taken a turn for the better.  He’s a little more showing of his feelings.  He paid for brunch both times we went and showed emotions when it came to time for me to leave on my business trip.  He’s showing his connection with me.  This business trip I think will give us some breathing room, which seems to be healthy for the both of us and gives us something to look forward to.

I feel insecure because it has been a long time since I’ve been in a stable relationship.  But I will take this time away to re-center myself.  I should have confidence in myself.  I deserve to be in a stable relationship with someone that loves me and I need to convince myself of that.
He’s already agreed to fix a few things for me when he’s back.  And I promised to make pumpkin pie.  So things are definitely going well.  I can also tell that he’s smitten.  The way he smiles as I get out of the shower and when I’m doing my hair to the way he looks at me randomly.  We don’t kiss much, but his hugs convey more meaning now.
I just get so insecure and jealous sometimes with him because he can be a cheap flirt.  I can’t judge too hard myself because I do it too at times.  It comes naturally, and that is another way that we are similar.

Things are moving along really slowly on the emotional side and that is totally fine with me.  I feel that our emotional reservations could be a good thing.  A slow build makes it all the more real.  This time, I am going to make a conscious effort to maintain my own sense of self in this relationship.  I find that it’s something that I lose in my past relationships and it makes me come off as needy.

We haven’t had sex recently, but I feel like it doesn’t even matter.  It doesn’t change anything.  He doesn’t even push for it, which makes me feel really good and not pressured. He has let me initiate and has really tried hard to convey the message that that is not the reason why he is in this.

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