Women weld a lot of power in the relationships that I’ve observed, but I’ve never been one to hold that power myself. I’m an open book, I’ve loved with little restraint and wholeheartedly. I would divulge everything about myself, to the point where I would run out of stories to tell.
I’ve learned to be a little more reserved, and this comes off as being mysterious and intriguing to the boys. They feel like they can’t quite read me, and that is what intrigues them. So, I’m still a chatterbox, and especially so when I like someone. I can’t help it, I get so excited I just want to say and do everything with them, but I now realize that isn’t the best approach.
Guys don’t want to know every fine little detail, and they find joy in these mysterious things. I’ve made it a point to not let the boys in on all my beauty getting ready routines. If I’m with mystery man, the guy who I’m dating, I make my getting ready routines simple and fast. I pull off the “it’s so easy for me to get ready, and look sexy” front. Shower, simple make-up and a simple outfit that I can wear with confidence (sometimes lipstick). I’ll do all the other beauty stuff in the background and away from him: painting my nails, plucking eyebrows, straightening hair, etc. all that stuff is behind-the-scenes. This is something that I stood by, so nothing new here.
When asked about my work, I no longer go on and on about what I do. I keep it short, simple and I don’t go into too much detail. My work is not typical, but it is still an office job, and nobody wants to hear about that shit. If they did, then they can ask more questions, which at that point I would be happy to answer. My short and concise answers about my job had mystery man wondering and prying for more details.
And my latest discovery, the power of being silent. Why had I not discover this sooner? Whether I’m annoyed, frustrated, angry, or have nothing interesting to say, I found that silence is the right response. Not the silent treatment, but just a silence like in the car or as we’re doing something passive like eating just speaks louder than words. Mystery man is immediately intrigued when I am just silent and in my thoughts. I also found that my friends have the same reaction, especially because I’m so chatty. For me, my silence around mystery man is a genuine type of silence. I am comfortable with him, and so silence is a sign that we are comfortable around each other and also I am weighing whether he is worthy or not. I am judging him and analyzing, and he knows this and so it makes him aware of it. Sometimes silence just gives us our own space, and so, even as we spend hours on end with each other there is a gap that is created with the silence that allows us to conveniently be in a different space.
I find that this time, I can be a lot more mature about things because he is also mature. He allows me to fill these shoes and makes me comfortable. He reassures me by going out of his way and fulfilling my needs. There are things that do make me frustrated, but I think this is the challenge that I will have to accept by deciding to give this relationship a chance.