No More Games

Every time I’m alone with mystery man, I start to sweat and start feeling like I need to take a crap. I must really like him, I don’t think I’ve felt that way about anyone before.

I was starting to feel like he hasn’t given me much thought since the day we crashed together and I decided that instead of playing games and not messaging him, that I would do what I want to do. So, I messaged him and although he seemed a bit unresponsive, he said he was in the area and came over.

So he just shows up and starts playing video games at my place. Ate some food I gave him and then went home. It was nice to see him.  Maybe I shouldn’t play games, he’s been responsive to me.  He suggests that I should feed him when I’m not busy. 

I wonder if he’s getting too comfortable with me. I don’t want that. It’s still early on and I feel that he should definitely be on his best behaviour. He hasn’t tried to kiss me again, but he remains affectionate.

I feel more calm even though I’m falling for him and that’s because he’s taking the rein. He’s pushing this forward with his efforts and it feels good to be appreciated in that way. It doesn’t mean that I’m not scared. I am scared. I’m scared that he will pull back and change his mind, but that’s not how I should live my life.

I’m over that. I deserve someone that is willing to put something on the line for me. And one thing that I’ve learned to do differently is to just show my true emotions. If I’m upset or mad, I used to hide that and that makes me this whatever goes kind of girl, but it wasn’t genuine. That’s the biggest key lesson that I promise to bring into this. I’m going to be myself and I’m not going to play games.

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