My life is like dancing without music. Sometimes I’m so off and disoriented, while other times I am into the beat in my own head. My state of mind is often short-lived.
Right now I’m disoriented and I’m super pissed at mystery man. He has brought around that other girl that he’s into and has been flirting with the both of us at the same time. He’s dancing with her with his hands around her waist while grabbing my ass at the same time. It’s super disrespectful to me.
See, I felt during the road trip that it’s okay that he isn’t into me fully and that just having a crush on a friend is alright and all in good fun, see, that is until he brings around another girl he’s into.
He brings out the worst in me and it’s like I hate myself a little bit for coming out. I would have never gone clubbing. I hate clubbing actually. I thought I’d be open minded but I can’t. I just hate it.
So, it’s 2am and I’m angry and drunk. I know he’s just into her as a fling, but it doesn’t make it better. Truthfully, I don’t need him, but he has been the spark that has excited my life.
I just absolutely hate guys at the moment, it’s not just him. I rejected minion man and he is super weird around me now. And the guy that I met in Vancouver just messaged me to crash at my place and simply using me for this purpose.
They all just seem so self serving.
I just want that good group of friends with that one guy that keeps me excited. For a brief moment in time, I felt like I had that and thought I was in a good place, but really, I know that I need to slowly distance myself from this.
Mystery man is shit for me. He has brought me more grief than anything. I can’t. I can’t lead myself down this path.