Liberating Message to the Past Men

It felt liberating to do a post on what I really want to say to mystery man.  So much so that I started to think about what I would say to all of the men that had a huge impact on my dating life. And so here goes…

To my high school boyfriend:
“Communication in a relationship is really important and clearly this isn’t happening because you’re ignoring me for weeks at a time. I just can’t deal with someone who is so emotionally immature.  I deserve someone that won’t deliberately ignore me and someone that is not so childish.”

To my university boyfriend:
“You’re not putting enough effort into this relationship and that’s because you don’t realize that I’m the best thing that has ever happened to you. I deserve someone that can love me back. I can’t be with you because you need to get your shit of a life together.”

To my ex-boyfriend of four years:
“I’m really unhappy with the way this relationship has gone downhill because you cannot prioritize your life properly.  You say that you’re busy with all of these things that come ahead of me, but what you don’t realize is that that is life. There will always be other things and I can’t wait around. I cannot rely on you or depend on you to be there for me. You are disrespectful to me and frankly, I deserve better.

Don’t come back for me just to disappoint me again. If you really had any respect for me at all, just leave and don’t cause me anymore grief.  Don’t talk shit about me to friends and definitely don’t assume that I’m leaving you for someone else, because I’m not. I’m leaving you because you aren’t able to give me what I need in a relationship. ”

A message to myself after the MBA guy whom I was obsessed about, but he was only flirting with me because he was bored:
“Listen, it was a fun and exhilarating fling where you got to know a lot about yourself. Take it for what it is and let time allow you to let this one go. Don’t hold onto friendships in hopes to see him again and free yourself from it.”

To the traveler whom I dated casually for a year:
“We’ve had our fun together, but I’m really looking for something more wholesome and fulfilling. Clearly you aren’t the right person for me and I need someone who can give me more. I know you’ve deflected this topic in hopes that I won’t notice, but I’ve definitely noticed your fear of seeing where this can go and your fear of having to commit to anyone.  Honestly, I think you are a coward.”

To myself after a fast pace fling with the pie guy after which he ignores communications with me:
“I understand that the over analyzing helps you cope and so do that (because there’s no way to talk you out of that anyway). It was definitely his issue so don’t blame yourself and don’t think about what it could have been, because it couldn’t have been anything. Be glad it ended sooner rather than later.  It’s really that simple and in time you will realize that too.”

To socks jock, whom I was in an unofficial relationship with for a year:
“I realize that your feelings towards me have changed and it’s clear in the way that you treat me.  When you call me, you act like it’s a chore. I can’t be with you because you just don’t put any effort into it anymore. You text me all day, and all you talk about is yourself. 

You have too many issues that I can’t deal with, your drug withdrawal and your general commitment issues. You need to take care of yourself and I deserve better.”

I wish I said these things, but I didn’t because I was emotionally distraught at the time. Also, I think every single time I wanted to be open to the idea of it still being able to work out despite the challenges. I really feel so liberated in writing this out.   I really do deserve more respect than these guys have offered me.

I do notice a pattern too, which is that none of these men that I emotionally committed to have given me enough of themselves.  I knew this was the case too, but just seeing it like this makes it all too obvious, in a good way. It’s about personal growth and my aim is to be able to better myself and find someone who does not fall into same category as those I’ve dated above.


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