Uncertain Feelings and Rejection

It is my experience that men are used to rejection from women, and even the most confident men considers rejection a possibility in the back of their minds. Women, on the other hand and especially women who think highly of themselves are highly offended by rejection, especially when they cannot see a clear reason to the rejection.  This is me, and it is also other women that I’ve met.

I take it very harshly when a man that I like, doesn’t like me back, but I cannot understand why they don’t. Sometimes it’s not even outright rejection, as in the case of mystery man. Their uncertain feelings toward me makes me unnecessarily insecure. It makes me think that I want them more than I probably actually do.

This is a well known fact. Men play on this insecurity all the time. I know it and can acknowledge it, but I still cannot overcome it. Mystery man’s uncertain feelings towards me is making me confused, insecure and anxious at the same time. But this has happened to me so many times before and so in a way, I’m past that.

I realized that part of it is my impatience. When things don’t happen immediately when I’m first interested in someone, I try to push it even though the other person may still be unsure about it.  Sometimes these things need time to develop and I can really appreciate that now because I know what it’s like to not be sure about someone and wanting to wait it out for more time. I also understand not wanting to jeopardize the status quo, whether it be with a common group of friends or whatever.

So, I went out today to a social event and mystery man brings another girl with him. They’re not together but he does take it upon himself to make sure she’s engaged in conversations. She’s cute and nice and she really tried hard to connect with me. She’s not someone that I normally would connect with socially, but I’ve been good at just not closing myself off to that recently.

Naturally, I was curious about their connection but there were multiple instances where he reassured me. Firstly, he was playing footsies with me under the table and picking from my plate. Then he offered me and a few others a ride home, including this other girl. He was flirting with me and made eye contact with me as I left the car.  It was like him trying to silently communicate with me to say that I shouldn’t get the wrong idea.

Since she was getting to know me and I was getting to know her, my assessment of her is that she is a really nice and affectionate girl. I don’t think that she’s a good match for mystery man because her background is so much different than his. The girl and I are completely different and so if he chooses her over me, then that’s a conscious decision to choose these different attributes.

I am who I am and I feel proud of me. I’m good at lots of things like being able to socialize with different kinds of people, I have a sense of humour and I’m content with my life and my job.  I’m generous, caring and loyal. Those are in a nutshell my main strengths and I’m proud of that. If he doesn’t pick me then so be it, and I cannot force someone to see that.

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