My vulnerability really came out two days after the hook-up with my friend, the mystery man. I’m surprised myself since I was fine right after the hook-up. Now, it’s like a butterflies in my stomach feeling. I realized that I’m seeing him in a different light because of the physical interactions. It’s like my body needed him, and my mind is fucking with me. It’s crazy how physical interactions can be so strong, yet I realize that for men it doesn’t work this way.
In reality, I don’t know what to make of it anyway. I’m still leaving it to him. I don’t know how I feel about him.
I know the right thing to do is to keep concentrating on myself. I’m on a work trip this week, so that will be my focus, along with getting back into the exercise routine.
I’m more mature now. Before, I would probably let it consume me and create a huge debate about whether I should contact him. I do know better now, and I’m able to acknowledge that I’m affected by the physical interaction.