So I’m on this journey of self-awareness, and trying to surround myself with positive people and things that make me happy. My platonic angel friend called me out and I’m glowing with happiness and he decides to help me get back into online dating. He spent three hours creating what he thinks is the perfect dating profile for me. It was interesting… especially when he answered questions for me. He answered them as he saw me and his perception of me seems quite different than how I view myself.

He seem to think that I’m this confident, control-freak, incredibly intelligent person. A person that is rarely true to their own feelings and values logic and reason above emotions.  While most of this may be true, I am surprised at how much I exhibit this. It seems quite extreme actually.  I wonder if that’s how I really portray myself or whether he has exaggerated my personality traits.

Or, more likely the case is that he is projecting his own views of himself on to me. In thinking about it, he’s actually an extreme version of me and his ideal man for me is actually a male version of his own girlfriend.

Anyway, I went on my first date with someone I met online and he was great on paper despite him being a few years younger. Turns out we’re at different parts of our lives. He’s a student finishing up his masters, poor, and socially awkward. 

I’m no longer doing the four man plan. I’ve learned enough now to say that this will not work out.  There will be no second date. I will take more time to work on myself and I won’t go back to filling my schedule with dates with online men.

I’m at a point where I’m going with my gut of what I think will be best for me.  Evaluating myself and being self aware is important to me.  I’ve met too many people who are not at all self aware and I can’t be with someone like that, which is why I, myself am spending time to reflect.

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