I was really afraid that the socks jock breakup would kill the hopeless romantic in me. I’ve always been this hopeless romantic, apparent in many of the journals that I’ve kept since I was a teenager. The socks jock breakup made me question my idea of love. Maybe love isn’t supposed to be head over heels crazy, and maybe the kind of love that lasts is more rational. And am I ready for “real adult love” as opposed to this crazy roller coaster shit that I’ve always been looking for? I also questioned whether the socks jock relationship had jaded my pure view on love.
As all this is whirring through my head, I thought of something. I thought of the friends and family that have stepped up to console me. In particular, I thought about my platonic friend whom I will call the platonic angel. When I broke up with my long term ex-boyfriend of four years and he ended up sleeping with one of my close girlfriends, the platonic angel was the ex-boyfriend of this close girlfriend. So, to clarify, the platonic angel and I used to double date until we split from our exes and they hooked up. I think the betrayal of our exes bonded us further.
I realized recently that our platonic friendship is love in maybe its purest form. When I was having a panic attack, he dropped everything at work to make sure I was being taken care of. When I am heartbroken, he consoles me. He makes me feel good about myself. I can tell him anything. We are different people, and we can see each other’s flaws but we can accept it. I may go so far to say that in my eyes, he cannot do any wrong.
No, I don’t want to be with him romantically. I mean, we’re both idiots when it comes to dating. He’s dating a really smart and borderline psychotic bitch and my last relationship was one that had slim chances of working out. Part of our connection is sharing our dating stumbles with each other. I’ve been so blind to it before, but this, this is real love.