Happiness is not Enough

So many times I think back to my four year relationship with my ex-boyfriend and wonder what we could have been if only things went differently.

I don’t like to think that I’ve been jaded from the string of relationships that haven’t lasted, but I’m afraid that it might be the case. When things are going well, I get ahead of myself and doubt how long things might last. Then I think back to The Four Man Plan book for tips and I ask myself whether he meets the only three criteria that matters, according to the book: is he honest, loving and willing? Personally, I don’t think that covers everything that should matter… He could be honest, loving and willing and have erectile dysfunction and that would be a problem… But that’s besides the point.

Is the socks jock honest? Yes. Is he loving? Yes. Is he willing? Yes, although often times he flops on casual plans. Does that really capture everything? What about the small issue that he and I are rarely in the same city at the same time? I feel like I’m really pushing the hard facts that this advice book dishes out.

Well, when I started this journey, I accepted that I suck at love and that I would try something different to break myself free from this cycle of bad romances. Here I am in a relationship with this amazing guy and yet I can’t stop continuously trying to reaffirm that I’ve really stopped this cycle. How do I know that this is it? Happiness is not enough, I must have assurance that I will continue to be happy with my love life.

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