One year ago, I started a blog and a journey. I exposed every step of my journey as well as my past experiences so that others can judge me, and can follow me on my dating ups and downs. I seeked advice from multiple sources, books, courses, online forums and advice from colleagues and friends.
Today, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man that cares deeply about me. This man is someone that I would have never met or attracted if I had not gone on this personal journey. Although I’m not sure where this relationship would lead me, I know that I have grown from the person that I was a year ago.
A year ago, I had just broken up with a man that I met online and dated for about eight months. I was devastated and felt that he had led me on, although in retrospect we just wanted different things. It seemed like every relationship that I was involved in had a sad ending.
It is always shitty to have to pick up and start from scratch in the dating scene. If I had to do that today, I know that I would feel just as down. Although the difference is that I would not feel as lost. I know how to get myself out there and re-engage in the dating scene again.
Here is some advice that I have followed in the past year that seemed to work:
1. It is a game of statistics so the more exposure you give yourself, the more chances you have to meet someone. Aside from online dating, go out with friends, find a hobby that you like and go do it.
2. Give them a chance, they might not be the one, but that date that you go on may allow you to learn more about yourself and what you are looking for in a partner. Observe your behaviour with a man that you don’t have interest in and a man that you do have interest in.
3. Learn how to turn down a man rather than to just ignore his messages. Learning how to gracefully deliver a bad message is a good life skill to have.
4. Go ahead and have that fling, but realize that having sex should not be a requirement. A man that is looking for something more meaningful will not immediately seek out sex. A good man would wait.
5. Be the lady and allow him to be the man in the relationship. It is old fashion, but if you want a man to step up and do things for you then you have to step back and allow him to do so. Don’t feel the need to reciprocate immediately. Allow him to impress you and he will feel appreciated when you are impressed.
6. Want a man that is fit? Do something active. Don’t stick to only single events, actually, that’s where most of the socially awkward people who can’t find a mate gravitate. Although I would be open to going to these events if I was single, I’ve had a lot of disappointment from these types of events. Expectations are high and it doesn’t always seem so natural.