I am about to stop taking the pill due its side-effects, and I can’t help but remember an emotional episode that I had the last time I went off the pill. I was with my ex-boyfriend at the time and I had decided to stop taking the pills because I had been on them consecutively for over a year, and I wanted to see whether my libido would increase.
Every year I would suggest to my ex-boyfriend that I wanted to see the Japanese cherry blossoms, but we never got around to going. Japanese cherry blossoms have a very short flowering period of only a few days so it would be a special occasion that had to be timed. We said we would go see them, but when we woke up it was cloudy and it looked like it was about to rain so we decided against going. We ended up sleeping a little later and I was annoyed that he was taking so long to get ready because I had made alternate plans to go to a yoga class with one of my girlfriends. It had also turned out to be a beautiful day outside and we found out that the people that we originally made plans with to see the blossoms woke up early and had a great time.
There was a ton of traffic as I was heading to yoga class and I was really stressed out because of it. By the time I got to the class, I was too late and couldn’t join. My weekend plans both did not turn out as I had expected. I was really upset and I put the blame on the ex-boyfriend for having poor time management skills. I never took it out on him directly as that was one of the biggest problems that I had in that relationship, not being able to just be direct about what I wanted… but with that said, I also don’t think it would have changed since that was just how he was. I tried to take things into my own hands and my new plan was to go shopping and then swing back to yoga class to see if my girlfriend wanted to grab dinner together.
I went to the shopping mall and it was just packed and I could not find parking! It was the last straw and not knowing where to turn, I called my boyfriend at the time to see if he could console me. He was in the middle of fixing his motorcycle and said he didn’t know how to deal with me and so I just started bawling my eyes out crying. He asked if I was crying because I couldn’t find a parking spot. The phone conversation ended and I continued crying in the middle of the mall parking lot. Finally, I got hold of another girlfriend of mine who was a good listener and offered me some counsel. It was an expensive long-distance call on my cellphone, but well worth it. I came back to the yoga class to apologize for missing the class and to ask if she wanted to grab dinner with me. She had already made plans with her boyfriend so I went home.
At the time, it was just a bad day, but in retrospect it was a bad day combined with hormonal withdrawal from the pill. I’m usually good at handling my emotions and so this was an unusual reaction for me. So I went off the pill and my libido increased only slightly and so I thought that maybe it was just me and the pills had little to do with it. Turns out, my low sex drive was a combination of being on the pill and losing the passion in the relationship.