When I started having sex with the socks jock, I decided to take birth control pills because he’s the type that doesn’t like to keep the condom on, which is kind of scary and I really didn’t need a pregnancy scare to add to my already full life. I took birth control pills all throughout my long term relationships before and although I did have a decrease in sex drive, I didn’t think it was really drastic. I think part of the reason was because my ex-boyfriends were always around and wanted to have sex all the time, which allowed for the anticipation and expectation of sex.
Socks jock and I probably see each other once a week at most and during the time that we’re apart, my sex drive is practically non-existent while being on the pill. Although the idea of sex is still fun, the actual urge to get myself off is just not there. Before seeing socks jock, I’d purposefully get myself off to try to get the juices flowing, quite literally because I noticed that I didn’t get as wet as before. It was like my sex drive needed a kick start. And sometimes the kick start doesn’t really work and it’s really embarrassing.
I didn’t realize that I could have performance issues. This past weekend, socks jock and I had a horrible sex experience that no couple should ever experience that early on in a relationship. So, I came to see him and yes the idea of sex is still appealing to me and I jump right on him, but I couldn’t get the juices flowing. With a little bit of saliva, I was on top and once we switched positions, I was dry again and he for the first time ever, suggested to take a break in fear of making me sore. I finished him off with a hand-job. The next morning, I started blowing him while I was on my back and with my full body in his view. It was incredibly hot and when he tried to enter me from behind, again… I was dry and it wasn’t even possible. He didn’t try to pursue it further and we carried on to have breakfast.
I’ve never felt so embarrassed about my sexual performance before. He was really sweet and he did not express one bit of frustration with me. Prior to this experience, I was on the border about the pill already because it was causing a slew of other issues for me. The previous month, I wasn’t as consistent at the timing of taking my pills and that created some spotting issues and vaginal balance issues. Additionally, the pill has generally made me have heartburn, lower metabolism and feel overall more sluggish. I am absolutely done with the pill (for the record, I was on Alesse).
The pill does have it benefits, I admit. Condom-less sex is incredible and I personally believe that it creates a deeper bond. It also allows me to control when I get my periods, which is really important in a long-term relationship where I don’t see him frequently. Weighing out the pros and cons, it’s just not worth it. The inability to perform is just too embarrassing and the loss in sex drive is discerning too. I am in my prime years for having sex and it doesn’t make sense to take away that pleasure. From a female perspective, at least in my opinion, sex with or without a condom, physically is not too different. The best sex that I’ve ever had was with a condom with the traveller.
After 3 months of being on the pill I am incredibly excited to get back to feeling normal and having a normal sex drive. I am actually looking forward to exploring sex with a condom with the socks jock. The thing is that sex is so diverse and there are so many ways to enjoy it that I am confident that we can find a groove that works for us. Maybe for the first time in my life, I am in a relationship where sex is secondary to the connection that we have.