Reprioritising Friendships

As part of my journey in self-discovery, I found that I started questioning how I was prioritising my free time. After breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, I decided that he could have all of our old friends. As a result, I found myself hanging out with random smaller group of friends. I really liked some of these people, and they each showed me a different side of myself.

Of these new friends, I really enjoyed this one group with lots of single girls and who generally lived an affluent lifestyle. I also enjoyed hanging out with my coworkers, who were young and whom I shared similar work ethics. As I started meeting more and more people through meetups, sports leagues etc. I had to find some balance in my busy social life. I was getting to the point where some social events just became obligations.

Those that especially stood out as obligations were the baby showers, the kids birthday parties and hanging out with particular platonic male friends. I never really questioned why these people were in my circle of friends and I also realized that some of these people had personalities that were really draining.

Of the people that I decided to cut out of my social life were my elementary school girlfriends who never kept in touch with me until they had babies. I think they were just bored.

I also decided to cut out the confused banker, who I realized was only in my social circle because I wanted to hook up with the MBA guy again. The confused banker had a difficult and controlling personality, he was self-conscious although he had a good heart. Generally, I cut him out because not many people got along with him and spending time with him meant dedicated time with generally just us two.

Using the same reasoning, I also cut out the accountant, who is a platonic friend of mine. Again, he liked to hang out with just me and I found him to be annoying.  We still continued to see each other at group events, which is fine.

In high school and even after high school, I liked this guy, the drummer. We continued to hang out but he always made a deliberate effort to make sure that this other friend of ours is always invited. We became a really odd trio, and I get why we needed this other friend… because otherwise we just wouldn’t converse. I decided to just let this go because it’s clear after almost a decade that he’s not interested in me and I have more interesting friends to hang out with.

All of these people have taught me things about myself. After a rough long-term relationship, I was open arms with my acceptance of new friends, but I think that a time of reconsideration is healthy and also necessary in order to move forward. The general rule of thumb that I used was that if can’t picture them at my birthday party then, we’re probably not that close.

I wasn’t ending the friendships persay, I just put more space between us in order to focus on other things.


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