I read about an experiment that was conducted where men and women were given ratings on their physical appearance out of a scale of ten. They were then asked to “pair” with someone in the experiment room of the opposite sex and with the highest possible number that they can get. The pair can only be made if both parties agree and hold hands. The experiment found that initially people gravitated towards the higher numbered individuals but later gravitated towards individuals with a number that was closer to their own number. The end results were pairs that had similar physical ratings. The biggest difference in the pairs was 2.
I decided to venture outside of this comfort range of +/- 2 when I dated the beer drinker. He was physically ugly. I enjoyed his company, and I liked the person that I was when I was with him. I was funny, carefree, playful, giddy and without this crazy anxious feeling that I’m used to when I start dating a guy that I like. Why? Because he was committed to me and invested in me with the notion that I’m the “highest number” that he could get even though we didn’t have much in common. This seemed great, only problem was that I just couldn’t get totally into him because of his physical appearance. It’s a catch 22.
I don’t know the validity of this experiment, although I’m not surprised by the results. I have started noticing that physical appearance seems to have an impact on the way a person behaves in the dating world and especially when there isn’t an established relationship. I may be generalising but I’ve found that beauty is not skin deep. It is deeply engrained in the development of the person for better or for worse. Take for example the common case of a really good looking person with a superiority complex.
So, what did I learn from dating outside of this comfort range of physical attractiveness? I have no solid conclusions, however, I learned more about the person that I want to be when I find the right man. Oh, and that I want a man that would work for me, as if I was the best he could get. I won’t settle for this anxious feeling that I get when men that I like don’t give enough.