Somewhere along my journey of online dating, I decided to take a crash course that was taught with the principles of The Four Man Plan by Cindy Lu in mind. I decided on taking the course because I was frustrated with the poor quality of men that I was meeting from online dating.
In addition to teaching about how to write a profile that was appealing to high quality men, this wonderful lady also preached about being the woman that a man desires. And I’m not talking about sexual desires, because I think most women have got that covered by having a vagina, she spoke about being a woman that is highly respected by men.
Here are a few things that I learned and that I felt was important for me to embrace:
1. Being direct when communicating with men. Specifically, telling them what I want. This is something that I’ve personally struggled with in my past relationships. I would too often concede and this made me resentful. This one also resonates with me because the relationships that I see that have worked well all have women who were direct in what they wanted.
2. Allowing the man to lead and not being a motherly figure. I wanted a man that would lead, because I find that sexy in and out of bed. My problem was that I don’t allow men to lead sometimes. I find it hard to step back because I am a business woman who is trained to give direction and hold people accountable. I’ve accepted that this is my 9-5 and not what I want in a relationship.
3. I learned that men appreciate and are attracted to a lady who is able to embrace her femininity. The tip that the instructor gave was to do things that brings out femininity like wearing lipstick, or wearing vibrant colours. Many of my guy friends have told me that I have the mannerism of a man and that they felt that it was easy to talk to me. I used to take that as a compliment, but as I think about it more, I want to be the woman that a man is cautious around. I want to make a man nervous, because it makes sense that that would be the type of woman that a man would fall for, rather than the potty-mouthed tomboy.
More on why this became important to me in a later post.