While growing up my girlfriends and I rarely ever spoke about sex. I made the false assumption that they were all abstinent throughout high school, which is one of the reasons why I did not have sex with my high school boyfriend. I was under the social pressure to hold out on sex and wait for that special moment.
As a virgin, I would often fantasize about my first time. I wanted a boy that would be kind, gentle and attentive. I wanted someone that would be dominant and that would lead the way. I anticipated that it would hurt, but I felt that it would be a huge turn-on to have him be attentive to my body and appreciative that I chose him to be the person that I wanted to lose my virginity with. I fantasized about losing my virginity often and it always turned me on.
My first time was when I was 18 with my second boyfriend. I felt like 18 was a good mature age to start having sex. We had been dating for about a year and he had been hinting at sex. It was almost everything that I hoped it to be. We were in his bed and we were making out and he got out a condom and got on top missionary position. He fingered me and tried to enter me a few times but I was just too tense. As he finally entered me, it was painful but I also had this surge of pleasure that came primarily as a head rush that this was actually happening. It didn’t last long but that was because he got soft and pulled out. He didn’t finish.
Afterwards, I felt awkward about it and it didn’t help that he mentioned that he would have preferred for me to be cleanly shaven (I had it nicely trimmed). I bled a little and felt a little violated. I felt like he could have done a better job with the emotional connection afterwards. Then I just drove myself home.