Bad Boy Syndrome

The biggest crush that I’ve ever had on someone started when I was in junior high. What immediately turned me on was that he was bold. He was not afraid of girls. He also had a really cute smirking kind of smile.

He immediately liked me although he also liked many of my girlfriends too. He had a few little dating stints with my girlfriends and I was confused and felt bad that I had a huge crush on my girlfriend’s junior high boyfriend. I would hate it that I liked him so much. While he liked me, we just didn’t have many opportunities to interact.

It’s not like I didn’t try. I definitely did try to talk to him. I even joined the cross country running team because he was on it. It’s too bad that cross country running is really self training and requires no interaction.

He was protective of me and that was what turned me on. When the other guys made fun of me, he would stand up for me. He praised me even when I was within earshot. He made it clear that he liked me. It was maybe that one of his friend also liked me that he kept his distance. Everytime we spoke, everytime he touched me, everything was surreal.

I just wanted him so badly. And this continued into high school. Oh did I mention that he was a bad boy? Oh yes, he got into trouble all the time at school, although he was really bright and could do well if he had wanted to. He got into fights and eventually he had to transfer to a different high school, joined a gang and somehow made a living with the gangster life.

Anyway, I wanted him bad! Even years later when I saw him at a reunion event and I was in a relationship, his smile still melted me. It was not until very recently when I saw him with his wife that I finally saw that his boldness was really obnoxious and his once cute smile has now yellowed. I was indifferent towards him and I wondered if it was because I have matured.

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