One of the most difficult principles of the Four Man Plan dating regime to follow is to continually collect new men for dating. There is no saying no, if the guy is honest, loving and willing. When I first started on the plan, I met Metro man at a speed dating event and when we got matched, I didn’t respond to his email because although he was nice, I wasn’t attracted to him at all. Well, the dating plan forced me to get in touch and go on a date.
At first I felt nothing. I was certain that I was wasting my time and leading him on. His physical appearance was not at all appealing to me and his personality was not one that particularly interested me. He was someone that I can be friends with, but as a date, I was a little repulsed by him and even feared the inevitable kiss.
This experience took me by surprise. No, he didn’t grow on me and every time I saw him my indifference remained, but I kept an open mind and was nice to him. It was my attitude towards him. I would not immediately return his texts and calls, sometimes I would forget to check up on him. My life felt too busy for him. When I was on a business trip, I missed a few calls from him and I couldn’t find time to call back. I apologised and explained that work has been keeping me busy. I was shocked at my attitude towards him because although I was trying to be nice, my lack of interest drove my actions. I was acting like the men that I normally dated, particularly, the traveller came to mind.
It was a big ‘aha!’ moment for me. I don’t think that I have ever been on the other side. I never really saw that these men were just not vested in me. They were nice to me, which is why I made excuses for their behaviour. I couldn’t recognise that I was just a lot more into them until I started displaying the same attitude towards Metro guy. I learned an important dating lesson, which is it is important to be able to put yourself into someone else’s shoes. In this case I was only able to do so when I found myself being the less interested party.
My intention was not to lead Metro guy on. I was open about dating others. I did realize that I had to eventually end it. I had some anxiety about this and again, I felt how it feels to be on the other side of the fence. It’s tough.
This experience really helped me. It allowed me to forgive the traveller for all that he’s done to me. This resentment that I had towards him turned into an acknowledgement of how he felt towards me.