I spoke a little about having obvious daddy issues in a previous post. I’ve always known that I had daddy issues, even when I was a child. I feel that it’s possible that this part of me may be affecting my dating relationships, but I’m not quite sure to what extent.
See, my dad wasn’t the typical abusive dad or the typical alcoholic dad. He played in this dangerous area and sometimes crossed the line. My dad was a high functional alcoholic and well intentioned man. His typical routine was to work a full day, come home and then start drinking heavily in the evening.
As a child, he was physically abusive and not in the spank on the bum kind of way. He would hit me with sticks, throw me down the stairs and pulled my hair. There was one time when he punished me for not greeting my cousins. As a teenager, he was overprotective and accused me of lying (when I wasn’t) every opportunity he could. He was verbally abusive and would break my possessions when he got angry. When we fought, we fought big.
As bad as this sounds, he had this other side of him as well. He was incredibly hard working and became a successful entrepreneur. Considering the circumstances, he took good risks and did very well for himself. He was an excellent family provider.
I hated living with my dad and worked really hard to move out as soon as I could. I still have feelings of anger when I think about him even though these days he’s more of a docile old man. We are on good terms now, but we aren’t very close.
Is this the reason why I can’t keep a relationship or why I’m a phone sex operator? I’m not sure, but it does make me tougher and I definitely have thicker skin than most people I know.