Having a healthy sex drive was a bit of a struggle for me during my long term relationships. I almost never wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t have a high sex drive and felt that there may be something wrong with me. Looking back, the major factors were probably the lack of experience both on my part and theirs.
One of the reasons why it was so difficult for me to get over the traveller was because the sex was great. I knew that he wasn’t “the one”, but my vagina was in love with him. He was a turning point in my sexual development. He was vocal about what he liked and he positively reinforced sexual behaviours that he enjoyed. He showed enjoyment and appreciation. I actually enjoyed giving him blow jobs.
He encouraged me to use some of the naughty talk skills while we had sex and it was the first time that I was vocal about what I wanted and what I liked. What also added to the drive was the anticipation. Because he often travelled, we didn’t see each other much. We had to maximize the time that we had together to get frisky. I wanted it all the time and sometimes to the point where I would be sore.
The traveller was really good at optimising vanilla sex to be different and exciting each time. I do believe that was what he preferred, but I also got a feeling that he had a few more tricks up his sleeve that we never got around to doing. As I reflect back, I realize that one reason why we probably didn’t explore more variety was because he saw me as a quick fix to his horniness and not as a long term investment. He spent a lot of time doing coupley things with me because he didn’t want to feel that it was a sex driven relationship. He didn’t want to feel gross.
But a sex driven relationship was exactly what we had. When he suggested the idea that maybe we could be friends, I knew that wasn’t a possibility. I immediately cut him out of my life. I cannot be friends with a man that had that kind of affect on me.