The traveller and I continued to see each other. He made a great effort to take me on romantic dates, but when it came down to it, he didn’t seem very serious about us. I also was not so into him, there were just small things about him that was just not right for me.
There were times when I was quite indifferent about him and there were other times when I wished that we would more clearly defined our relations. The sex was great with the traveller and I convinced myself that I could keep this and continue to look for someone more suitable for a relationship. I continued to meet and date other guys, but nobody that I met came close to the connection that I had with the traveller.
We went on weekends trips together. While I was with him, it felt very much like being in a relationship. I grew closer to him, and finally had to ask for clarification. He refused to speak about it, and I mistakenly assumed that he just needed more time. I waited for about a month. He didn’t provide an answer, but started acting more distant and treating me as if I was more a friend rather than a lover. I knew it was going nowhere and was angry that he didn’t have the guts to tell me his decision in fear of losing something. I called him up and broke it off while he still refused to talk about it. He was a master deflector.
Eventually, he texted me to offer friendship and admitted that he would rather be friends. I was angry for many reasons. I felt that he was a coward to not be able to say this to me directly. I felt that if we had spoken about it we could have both got what we wanted. I didn’t necessarily need an exclusive relationship with him. I just wanted to be open to the idea that it was a possibility and I wanted sexual exclusivity.
His fear of commitment completely took over and closed him off. It was very unfortunate. I was hurt by this and just could not respect him anymore.